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YES! Reaching for Sunrise

YES! After nearly three years dedicated to this heart project, my book, Reaching for Sunrise: A Widow’s Memoir, was published a couple of days ago and is now available on Amazon and other book retailers. What an achievement, and what an intense journey it has been! I’m excited to watch its own life unfold, and at this moment, I find myself at a loss for words. So, I’ll let some of my readers speak instead.

 

“There are not many life stories that touch the heart as profoundly as this one.” —Dr C.J. Ladwig, Ophthalmologist

“Reaching for Sunrise is a deeply personal account of tragic events colliding. There is no way around the shock and horror of the events; what is fortunate is that the author of this memoir is willing and able to share her story and perspective with us. She shares it in such a beautiful way that you will feel as if you’ve spent the day with her, maybe even in a garden overlooking the sea, and at the end of the day you will be changed. Yes, I did read this through tears. I also read it with many smiles and some laughs. It is a love story, and the love shared throughout is palpable, it will make you pull closer to everything you hold dear while also loosening your grip a little. This may seem counterintuitive, but it’s exactly what happened to me and I’m grateful for it. My heart is turning towards the sunrise.” —A. Sutton

“I am so grateful to Lokita Carter for writing this brilliant and inspiring book! Her decision to share her story with the world in such a personal and honest way is an incredible gift to all who are lucky enough to read it. To not only survive through such unimaginable tragedy, and build and thrive in an unexpected chapter of her life, but then have the courage, tenacity and clarity of mind to write her story down, is a truly admirable feat. There are so many lessons here about life, living, love, and friendship. Lokita’s approach to life’s challenges as opportunities for understanding and growth is one of the many messages that impacted me. This memoir is a treasure.” —B. Prange

I couldn’t put this book down. Lokita’s offering is very generous, heart-wrenching, exhilarating, straightforward, intimate dying and living. —Thomas Goodwin, Artist

“Mind Blowing! That’s the word that comes to my mind after reading this amazing, deeply intimate and excellently written accounting of an amazing love story of two beautiful human beings giving love, hope, healing and amazing intimate teachings to thousands of souls who were lucky enough to have been in the right place at the right time on this planet. Then, the unthinkable happens. This book is a powerful, intimate accounting of love, death, disease and the light (the sunrise) on the other side, reached through strength and perseverance. A must read. All humans should read this and be humbled by our existence and never take any of it for granted. Ever.” —Liz Baughman

“Reaching for Sunrise is a vulnerable and honest sharing of one woman’s journey through incredible adversity. Infused with humor, spiritual insights and a deep humanity, Lokita’s story is an intimate invitation to be with her at during the most challenging and triumphant events of her life.” —Cassidy Acacia, Somatic arts facilitator

Reaching for Sunrise: A Widow’s Memoir is now available on Amazon (on all international Amazon online stores), Barnes & Noble, Apple Books and other major book retailers. The audiobook is live Amazon and Audible.

Printed Book Ebook Audiobook
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The Story of My Book: Part 3

In case you missed it, The Story of My Book: Part 1 & 2 tell about my adventure of bringing the memoir to life, deciding to take the self-publishing plunge and going through the challenges of finding the right title. Read Part 1 & 2.

The audiobook version of Reaching for Sunrise was created on the picturesque German Island Sylt. Daniel, a dedicated and enthusiastic sound engineer, and I shared a week in his recording studio.

Aside from his control room overflowing with computer equipment, mixing boards, and a sitting area, there was a chillout room with a six-seater sofa on which my Wonderdog Coco immediately got comfortable. The sound booth, approximately 35 square feet, contained a stand with a microphone and a side table. A large computer screen was affixed to the wall. Padding on the walls made the small space eerily mute.

I was excited as I began, knowing that someday, people would hear my voice as I read out my own story. My voice would be there for posterity. It reminded me of the days when I would record the voiceover tracks for Steve’s and my Tantra videos and the Chakra Wisdom meditation, script printed in 24pt font in hand, my body moving along with the music and the rhythm of my words. I feel right at home in a studio, on film sets, with cameras, lights, microphones and cables everywhere.

Narrating the first few chapters, recounting my life in Australia and the early days with Steve flowed effortlessly, brimming with joyful and love-infused memories. I felt uplifted by the story and hoped that my voice would carry that elation to the hearts of my future listeners.

Then came the more challenging part: the cancer diagnosis, treatment, and scary, uncertain times. Questions swirled at the back of my mind as I read it all out aloud. Why me? Why? Will I survive this? Disbelief and shock washed over me, the old trauma rose to the surface, and emotions made my voice wobble and choke up. I could hear my sniffles in the headphones. The microphone that stood about half a foot away from me looked oddly comforting. This was not a person I was telling the story to but an inanimate microphone. And yet, I was talking to the world.

By the grace of the divine mystery I had passed through all the events and was still here to record all this. I was sure that my actual voice would help to make that fact even more tangible and inspirational for those listening.

Chapter six was the toughest. There, I describe being told in the middle of the night about Steve’s murder. In the sterile recording booth, with Daniel across the hallway in his control room, I struggled through tears, reading and re-reading the same passage over and over. My heart broke each time when I came to the description of learning about Steve’s death. Even as I write this, I still can’t quite grasp that all of it actually happened.

At some point, I stepped outside the sound booth to catch some fresh air, get a drink of water, make sure Coco was happily chilled out on the sofa, and to check in with Daniel. In his hand was a paper tissue, his eyes overflowing. He had told me earlier that his English wasn’t perfect, yet he understood the entire story.

Eventually, we reached the two lighthearted and sweet happy endings of the final chapter, followed by the epilogue. Finally, all eight hours and 31 minutes of the audiobook were recorded. For quality control, I had to listen to it several times to find the places where one could hear my sighs, quiet crying, and other sounds that don’t belong in a professional audiobook. Daniel and I spent hours going through these edits together, sharing many vulnerable moments and laughter.

Somehow, I felt an even deeper sense of fulfillment than when I had completed the actual manuscript. With gratitude that listeners could join me on this intense journey by hearing my voice, I looked forward to inspiring courage and hope in many, many people, knowing that my spoken words would touch hearts long beyond my own lifetime.

Soon available on Audible and other audiobook platforms. Click below to listen to an audio sample. ♥️

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Celebrating 75 Years ❤️

Today I celebrate the 75th anniversary of Steve’s birth, yes, even though he is no longer alive in his body.

I’m reminded of when he turned 60. For months before the big occasion, he’d been telling me that for his 60th he either wanted to go to Las Vegas and see a show or have a huge party at home. What would it be? We couldn’t decide which was better, so I secretly organized for our closest friends to meet and party with us – in Las Vegas. All Steve knew was that Las Vegas was going to be it. He was so looking forward to the trip since he had never been there before!

The day came, and off we flew, spent the afternoon lounging by the pool of the Hollywood Hotel (or rather: hiding by the pool because I didn’t want him to see our friends who were arriving throughout the afternoon, instructed not to go to the pool until the next day) and in the evening him and I took in the spectacular “O” show by Cirque de Soleil. He was ecstatic, it was all he’d wished for. His birthday celebrations were off to an excellent start.

The next morning after a late birthday breakfast we strolled along the fake canals of the Venetian, marveling at this made-up Italian world. We stood on a curved bridge, and just when a gondola was passing below us, with a barcarolli singing loudly about amore, amore, Steve suddenly spotted two of our friends on the other side of the Grand Canal.

“Oh my gosh, look, Lokita, there’s Frank and Suzie! What are they doing here?” he exclaimed, throwing his arms around in the air. It was a moment of so much joy, a great reunion, and many hugs, as they explained that Frank who was based on the East Coast, was there on business and Steve told them that it was his 60th birthday. How fabulous!

Together the four of us mosied over to the gelateria in the center of the fake piazza, and out of nowhere appeared Raul and Alicia. Steve could hardly contain himself with excitement that another couple from our circle of closest and dearest was here, with us! And on his birthday, of all days! Amazing.

“I can’t believe it! What a coincidence!”, he kept shouting, hugging and shaking his head. Impossible!

After devouring the ice cream and chatting away happily it slowly dawned on him what was going on, as more friends arrived. There was love and laughter in abundance, and we had a fantastic 60th birthday bash with Steve, complete with birthday hat and candles, a fine dinner and dancing the night away at the then-hottest outdoor rooftop bar in town.

Today, turning 75, he would have danced wildly and laughed loudly, sung along songs from the late 1960s played by a band made up of his friends, and he would have received and given so much love and exuberance. I can see his broad smile now!

Since we cannot know for sure if his disembodied presence is out there somewhere inexplicable or not, I reckon it’s a good idea to send him a lot of love today anyway, celebrating this wonderful man who was with us and touched our lives so deeply.

❤️ 🙌 ❤️

“You exist in time, but you belong to eternity – you are a penetration of eternity into the world of time. You are deathless, living in a body of death. Your consciousness knows no death, no birth. It is only your body that is born and dies.” ~Osho

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One more Year

I’m still missing Steve but I guess that will be so until my last breath. Unbelievable that a whole year has passed since my last blog post which I wrote on the day that marked six years since Steve died. Today, well, it’s been seven years.

In my life “7” has always been significant. For example, at age 14 I had a spiritual experience that set me on the tantric path. At 21 I became deeply involved in the field of my spiritual teacher and lived close to him. At 35 I rose in love with Steve and moved to the US. Always, cycles of 7 have signified the end and the beginning of a new phase.

So today, seven years after my beloved was murdered, the manuscript for my book is complete. Some 68,000 words are written, edited, re-edited, shaped, re-read and reviewed a thousand times. The final result is an intense and moving reading experience that spans the arch of me living in Australia, meeting Steve and being together for 17 years, and ending when I released his ashes into the sea.

There are anecdotes from our marriage, from teaching Tantra together, and from my childhood in Northern Germany, interspersed with spiritual insights into dealing with life-threatening cancer, loss, grief, murder and court drama, and the ultimate triumph: that I am still alive today, healthy and having achieved balance again in my life.

It could be considered a true crime memoir, a spiritual memoir, a transformational memoir… there is so much in this story that I find it difficult to categorize. But what I do know is that even I, the one who went through everything that is now a written book, can’t stop crying and at times laughing, when I read it!

What is most important to me is that this story will touch many, many people, whether they are finding themselves in times of crisis, or are intrigued by the story and wonder how this woman Lokita got through it all, or they simply want to read an engrossing, inspiring memoir. I hope that many readers will accept my invitation to reflect deeply on the way they live and think, and share more love and joy with themselves, each other, and those around them.

And so this 7-year mark feels like the beginning of the new phase as I am ready to present myself as a writer with a completed manuscript who is looking for representation and publishing; trusting, as always, that life will support my purpose and higher vision.

On another note, my Wonderdog Coco and I are both well. We spend most of our days and nights together and her unconditional love, enthusiasm and presence touch me deeply, again and again. She had an operation for some strange tumors in July which fortunately turned out to be harmless. My own regular medical checkups have shown nothing but excellent health, and I enjoy my life as much as I possibly can. I’m still missing Steve but I guess that will be so until my last breath.

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