This blog, started in August 2015, is dedicated to my journey with metaplastic breast cancer, and to sharing how I continue living without my beloved husband Steve who was murdered on October 5th, 2015. In essence, it is a spiritual journey whose insights apply to all of us, regardless of our circumstances.
I am tired, so tired of all this. I am tired of being asked what’s next. I am tired of talking and thinking about what happened.
Today marks the 69th anniversary of Steve’s birth. I had planned some time ago to release most of my part of his ashes into the ocean on this day. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about it here because this is such a private, intimate and sacred occasion but since something funny, irreverent and even Steve-like happened at the end, I decided to share it. Please don’t continue reading this if you think it is inappropriate to write publicly about this ceremony.
It is the day after Steve’s killers were sentenced to a combined 165 years in prison. I woke up to sunshine in Marin County after a long, deep sleep. The legal process is over, was my first thought. But my heart is still heavy from the intensity of sitting in the court room, hearing the statements from Steve’s beautiful kids, Audrey Carey’s mother Isabelle and addressing the killers directly myself.