Before the Storm
Tomorrow I have to get a PET/CT scan to see if the cancer has spread to other parts of my body. I am scared. Despite of all the tests, and biopsies, and operations, and generally very scary times I have gone through in the past 10 months, this is the scariest of all.
I feel like this big storm is just about to break loose in my life. Every moment before this scan is precious. Every word I get to write, every bit of food I eat, every conversation I have is precious. It feels like the results of scan will determine the rest of my life. If not that, then at least the length and intensity of the storm.
I know – I am the sky, everything else is just the weather, as Pema Chödrön said so wisely. But remaining in the skymind realm is in this case the most challenging practice of all!
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