Thoughts on Here & Now
As I continue my stay in the rehab clinic for the knee replacement, various momentous dates loom: tomorrow the preliminary hearing starts in Steve’s and Audrey’s homicide case. It will be public, hence in the media. This week marks the 18th anniversary of Steve and me setting eyes on each other for the first time in Harbin Hot Spring’s warm pool. October 2nd would have been our 17th official wedding anniversary, and October 5th marks one year since the Unspeakable.
I am fully engaged physically in the here and now of dealing with my knee: continued pain and swelling, physical therapy on land and in water, lymphatic massage, CPM machine, learning to walk again, practicing patience, just to name a few.
Yet there is more. The psychological impact of these other, “not here and now momentous dates” makes itself felt, and strongly so. I will spare you the details, as I am sure you can imagine. No meditation, nothing is able to ease it for me.
I wonder about the here and now because the feelings moving through my body relative to those momentous dates are very real, just as real as the pain in my knee.
It occurs to me that practically speaking, there is more to here-now than meets the eye. To me it involves everything. Everything.
The awareness of it all, that is the key.
PS. As these momentous dates come and go, let us remember how very precious life is. How fragile we are. That nothing can be taken for granted. Anything can happen. Let us open our hearts especially wide these next two weeks to share and live love as much as we can.
Dear Lokita. I am trying to bring Payla from Bhutan to the US for a month. I would love to bring him by to see ou if that works for you. I know her would love to see you. We are aiming for Jan-Feb 2016. Let me know if that is of interest to you.
Lyra
Hello Lyra, what a wonderful idea! How lovely. I will email you. Love, Lokita
great
Sending you lots of love ❤️
You are always in my prayers and thoughts!!
The way the air feels on my face, the sun and the angle of the way it is shining, the promise of Fall are bringing thoughts of you and how difficult this all must be. My heart is fully open to you, Lokita. I am holding you as close as the miles allow. It will be a very raw day, but it will come and go. Only time will dissipate the horror. Only love will heal.
You are amazing Lokita! I’m sure your rehab will go perfectly and you’ll be running ing around in no time.
I am with you..thinking of the court session today. Wish I was there to support you!!!! Sending you so much love… even though I know that there is really nothing that can really console you… but I wish I was there to ease your pain. May Divine Blessing Pour into your heart in spades!!!!!!!!!Love you so much.
Thank you for sharing. I drove past the trailhead yesterday and couldn’t help but think of the anniversary looming. My mind and heart go there still too. So much to miss.
Steve. Harbin. The beauty of the trailhead and hills in Marin without the memory of the event.
Heal thyself. Hopefully this pain will fade – at least your knee, and you can dance again.
Namaste
You have set it on my dear
blessings blessings blessings and much love
Sending all the loving healng energy you can use, my beautiful friend! You are loved beyond measure! Angels on your shoulders, Lolita!
What odd timing–that you are in recovery again now, this time for your knee, and that you will be in recovery for that trial soon as well. You do a phenomenal amount of good things for yourself and others already, but try to focus on the good times, the rich times together, and that Steve would not want you to suffer for a moment. You and Coco just keep on healing together, and it will all be past before too long. Big love from Oracle, arizona–Margi Wainio
Sending you angels and healing and deep love.
Holding you in my heart. Trying to live in love.
My heart opens wide to you as these momentous anniversaries loom. Each year September and October bring anniversaries for me as well. The murder of my mother and the suicide of my best friend. Each year I remember these women with love and I remember to appreciate all that life has to give. My heart opens wide to life with gratitude for each and every day. Holding you with such tenderness. Sending you strength and resilience has these new waves come into view. My tears mingling with yours.
<3
Carrying thoughts of you every day and sending my love. ❤️💕❤️
Lokita, your beauty, grace and honesty continue to move me. Blessings to you dear one as you move through the waves of grief and feelings of loss and confusion.
Gods hand on your shoulder and love in your heart.
Sending you hugs from Mill Valley. I think of you and Coco often.
Michele
I, a stranger, feel you deeply, hold this time as especially fragile & sacred, and send you tons of absolute love to surround you, cushion your heart, and support you through these anniversary days.
Dearest Lokita,
As you navigate the “momentous dates”, along with your already excellent regimen of care, consider adding cranial-sacral therapy to the mix. I have a hunch that you will benefit greatly from it.
Breathing with you and sending Love…
Thank you for sharing. Hopefully this pain will fade one day… Take care!
You are helping us never to forget that preciousness … a friend once used to say to me ‘rest in the arms of the dragon’ and this was somehow consoling … perhaps it would be for you also. xxx
Hi Lokita, I’ve emailed you but wonder if you received it. Please tell me which email address to use! Thinking of you!!! Love, Julie
I hear you. Your insights always ring true – whatever is pouring through you is part of the here and now to be experienced, but it is also kindness to give yourself any comfort you can possibly find at this time. Blessings and love to you.
Always thinking of you Lokita and though few words here, my thoughts are constantly out there for you, Steve and Audrey.
<3
What a pile-up in the here & now, Lokita! I continue to hold you and all these unfathomable events in my heart. If you’d like to be held in warm water in the San Anselmo pool, where no therapy is expected of you, send me an email. I’ll be there Sept. 29 & Oct. 30 & probably 2 weeks after that, as well.
Thank you, Diane, I so appreciate it. However, I am returning to CA on Nov 28th for a couple of weeks. If you are there then…. it would be absolutely wonderful.
I really can’t find the words to express to you what is in my heart, how much I learn from you, how much I wish I could ease your pain, how strong and amazing you are to me, how sad I feel for the pain you are experience. I will hold all I love tight in my heart in this time and you are part of what I love.
I love you too, Melantha.
Sending so much love to that precious big courageous heart of yours….