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Again, Cancer.

Amid the excitement of the release of my memoir, Reaching for Sunrise—celebrating the achievement, enjoying the freedom, and savoring a sense of completion—I went for my routine six-month early detection cancer screening with my gynecologist. The news was grim.

A CT scan confirmed the presence of aggressive, advanced-stage endometrial cancer in my uterus and surrounding abdominal area. On October 11th, I underwent a gruelling seven-hour surgery to remove my reproductive organs, as well as three tumors: one on my bladder, one on my diaphragm, and approximately four inches of my intestines were removed and my colon was reattached. Now, a scar stretches from my pubic bone to my sternum.

My oncologist, who specializes in gynecological cancers, has prescribed six cycles of chemotherapy combined with immunotherapy. Given the aggressive nature of the cancer, the prognosis is uncertain. Though I’m barely recovering from surgery, chemotherapy begins next week, on November 13th. It’s my only chance for more time in this body. I’ve consulted with specialists across disciplines, and all agree that this path, along with complementary therapies, is my best option.

My life has been brutally upended yet again. I’m shaken by shock, heartbroken, and scared of what lies ahead. This time, though, perhaps chemo will be easier to bear because I don’t have the murder of my beloved to endure and grieve at the same time.

I’ve considered carefully if I wanted to make this public. But ultimately, love is the greatest healer, and the safe cocoon of love that my friends, family and community create around me will fill me up during this profoundly challenging time.

May this next phase of my journey remind my readers and loved ones of life’s preciousness—that everything, every single little thing, can change in an instant and without warning.

Please, each day, remember to live fully. Fill your heart with joy and love, and hold gratitude for the miracle of your precious body temple. ♥️

The real question is not whether life exists after death, the real question is whether you are alive before death. ~Osho

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News about Lokita’s Blog

In August 2015, I started a blog to share the journey my late husband, Steve, and I embarked on as we faced a rare, aggressive, and chemo-resistant form of breast cancer. The blog was meant to document how we, as a tantric couple, navigated the diagnosis, treatment, and the profound impact it would have on our loving and marriage.

However, after my second chemotherapy infusion, tragedy struck. Steve was brutally gunned down and killed by three young homeless drug addicts when walking our dog on a popular hiking trail in Marin County, California. Coco, who was also shot, survived.

The blog evolved into a chronicle of the horror, trauma, and the impact of the murder and the cancer and their aftermath. Thousands of readers followed my story, witnessing my journey from utter devastation to eventual resurrection.

Time passed. Despite the grim prognosis I overcame the cancer, and the acute grief slowly began to fade. In July 2021, I decided to write a book about the entire experience.

Initially, I planned to transform my blog entries into a book. However, I soon realized that more wanted to be written, and some parts required expansion to create a cohesive narrative. So, I started afresh, revisiting what had already become my past. It was an intense yet rewarding process that ultimately led to the creation of Reaching for Sunrise: A Widow’s Memoir. Writing the book not only helped me find peace with everything that happened but also allowed me to let go even more.

Now that the book is published and I’m beginning to ponder ideas for my next project—perhaps a how-to guide—I’ve decided to remove the old blog entries from this site. If you’d like to read them, please feel free to reach out to me.

I’m delighted to conclude this post by sharing that I’m vibrantly alive, healthy, and inspired to embrace new adventures, living life ecstatically. My doghter Coco, at age 12 years and 7 months, continues to be my sweet, loving companion, though she’s been hard of hearing lately—or perhaps it’s just become “selective hearing”, as in: she hears what she wants to hear!

With lots of love,
Lokita ♥️

PS. Reaching for Sunrise is available as an ebook and audiobook, narrated by me, on this site, and in print and digital formats where books are sold.

If you really want to be more and more alive,
then come closer in every area of life with intensity and totality.

~ © Osho. Gratefully excerpted from Satyam Shivam Sundaram—Truth Godliness Beauty discourse #23

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YES! Reaching for Sunrise

YES! After nearly three years dedicated to this heart project, my book, Reaching for Sunrise: A Widow’s Memoir, was published a couple of days ago and is now available on Amazon and other book retailers. What an achievement, and what an intense journey it has been! I’m excited to watch its own life unfold, and at this moment, I find myself at a loss for words. So, I’ll let some of my readers speak instead.

 

“There are not many life stories that touch the heart as profoundly as this one.” —Dr C.J. Ladwig, Ophthalmologist

“Reaching for Sunrise is a deeply personal account of tragic events colliding. There is no way around the shock and horror of the events; what is fortunate is that the author of this memoir is willing and able to share her story and perspective with us. She shares it in such a beautiful way that you will feel as if you’ve spent the day with her, maybe even in a garden overlooking the sea, and at the end of the day you will be changed. Yes, I did read this through tears. I also read it with many smiles and some laughs. It is a love story, and the love shared throughout is palpable, it will make you pull closer to everything you hold dear while also loosening your grip a little. This may seem counterintuitive, but it’s exactly what happened to me and I’m grateful for it. My heart is turning towards the sunrise.” —A. Sutton

“I am so grateful to Lokita Carter for writing this brilliant and inspiring book! Her decision to share her story with the world in such a personal and honest way is an incredible gift to all who are lucky enough to read it. To not only survive through such unimaginable tragedy, and build and thrive in an unexpected chapter of her life, but then have the courage, tenacity and clarity of mind to write her story down, is a truly admirable feat. There are so many lessons here about life, living, love, and friendship. Lokita’s approach to life’s challenges as opportunities for understanding and growth is one of the many messages that impacted me. This memoir is a treasure.” —B. Prange

I couldn’t put this book down. Lokita’s offering is very generous, heart-wrenching, exhilarating, straightforward, intimate dying and living. —Thomas Goodwin, Artist

“Mind Blowing! That’s the word that comes to my mind after reading this amazing, deeply intimate and excellently written accounting of an amazing love story of two beautiful human beings giving love, hope, healing and amazing intimate teachings to thousands of souls who were lucky enough to have been in the right place at the right time on this planet. Then, the unthinkable happens. This book is a powerful, intimate accounting of love, death, disease and the light (the sunrise) on the other side, reached through strength and perseverance. A must read. All humans should read this and be humbled by our existence and never take any of it for granted. Ever.” —Liz Baughman

“Reaching for Sunrise is a vulnerable and honest sharing of one woman’s journey through incredible adversity. Infused with humor, spiritual insights and a deep humanity, Lokita’s story is an intimate invitation to be with her at during the most challenging and triumphant events of her life.” —Cassidy Acacia, Somatic arts facilitator

Reaching for Sunrise: A Widow’s Memoir is now available on Amazon (on all international Amazon online stores), Barnes & Noble, Apple Books and other major book retailers. The audiobook is live Amazon and Audible.

Printed Book Ebook Audiobook
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The Story of My Book: Part 3

In case you missed it, The Story of My Book: Part 1 & 2 tell about my adventure of bringing the memoir to life, deciding to take the self-publishing plunge and going through the challenges of finding the right title. Read Part 1 & 2.

The audiobook version of Reaching for Sunrise was created on the picturesque German Island Sylt. Daniel, a dedicated and enthusiastic sound engineer, and I shared a week in his recording studio.

Aside from his control room overflowing with computer equipment, mixing boards, and a sitting area, there was a chillout room with a six-seater sofa on which my Wonderdog Coco immediately got comfortable. The sound booth, approximately 35 square feet, contained a stand with a microphone and a side table. A large computer screen was affixed to the wall. Padding on the walls made the small space eerily mute.

I was excited as I began, knowing that someday, people would hear my voice as I read out my own story. My voice would be there for posterity. It reminded me of the days when I would record the voiceover tracks for Steve’s and my Tantra videos and the Chakra Wisdom meditation, script printed in 24pt font in hand, my body moving along with the music and the rhythm of my words. I feel right at home in a studio, on film sets, with cameras, lights, microphones and cables everywhere.

Narrating the first few chapters, recounting my life in Australia and the early days with Steve flowed effortlessly, brimming with joyful and love-infused memories. I felt uplifted by the story and hoped that my voice would carry that elation to the hearts of my future listeners.

Then came the more challenging part: the cancer diagnosis, treatment, and scary, uncertain times. Questions swirled at the back of my mind as I read it all out aloud. Why me? Why? Will I survive this? Disbelief and shock washed over me, the old trauma rose to the surface, and emotions made my voice wobble and choke up. I could hear my sniffles in the headphones. The microphone that stood about half a foot away from me looked oddly comforting. This was not a person I was telling the story to but an inanimate microphone. And yet, I was talking to the world.

By the grace of the divine mystery I had passed through all the events and was still here to record all this. I was sure that my actual voice would help to make that fact even more tangible and inspirational for those listening.

Chapter six was the toughest. There, I describe being told in the middle of the night about Steve’s murder. In the sterile recording booth, with Daniel across the hallway in his control room, I struggled through tears, reading and re-reading the same passage over and over. My heart broke each time when I came to the description of learning about Steve’s death. Even as I write this, I still can’t quite grasp that all of it actually happened.

At some point, I stepped outside the sound booth to catch some fresh air, get a drink of water, make sure Coco was happily chilled out on the sofa, and to check in with Daniel. In his hand was a paper tissue, his eyes overflowing. He had told me earlier that his English wasn’t perfect, yet he understood the entire story.

Eventually, we reached the two lighthearted and sweet happy endings of the final chapter, followed by the epilogue. Finally, all eight hours and 31 minutes of the audiobook were recorded. For quality control, I had to listen to it several times to find the places where one could hear my sighs, quiet crying, and other sounds that don’t belong in a professional audiobook. Daniel and I spent hours going through these edits together, sharing many vulnerable moments and laughter.

Somehow, I felt an even deeper sense of fulfillment than when I had completed the actual manuscript. With gratitude that listeners could join me on this intense journey by hearing my voice, I looked forward to inspiring courage and hope in many, many people, knowing that my spoken words would touch hearts long beyond my own lifetime.

Soon available on Audible and other audiobook platforms. Click below to listen to an audio sample. ♥️

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