Again, Cancer.
Amid the excitement of the release of my memoir, Reaching for Sunrise—celebrating the achievement, enjoying the freedom, and savoring a sense of completion—I went for my routine six-month early detection cancer screening with my gynecologist. The news was grim.
A CT scan confirmed the presence of aggressive, advanced-stage endometrial cancer in my uterus and surrounding abdominal area. On October 11th, I underwent a gruelling seven-hour surgery to remove my reproductive organs, as well as three tumors: one on my bladder, one on my diaphragm, and approximately four inches of my intestines were removed and my colon was reattached. Now, a scar stretches from my pubic bone to my sternum.
My oncologist, who specializes in gynecological cancers, has prescribed six cycles of chemotherapy combined with immunotherapy. Given the aggressive nature of the cancer, the prognosis is uncertain. Though I’m barely recovering from surgery, chemotherapy begins next week, on November 13th. It’s my only chance for more time in this body. I’ve consulted with specialists across disciplines, and all agree that this path, along with complementary therapies, is my best option.
My life has been brutally upended yet again. I’m shaken by shock, heartbroken, and scared of what lies ahead. This time, though, perhaps chemo will be easier to bear because I don’t have the murder of my beloved to endure and grieve at the same time.
I’ve considered carefully if I wanted to make this public. But ultimately, love is the greatest healer, and the safe cocoon of love that my friends, family and community create around me will fill me up during this profoundly challenging time.
May this next phase of my journey remind my readers and loved ones of life’s preciousness—that everything, every single little thing, can change in an instant and without warning.
Please, each day, remember to live fully. Fill your heart with joy and love, and hold gratitude for the miracle of your precious body temple. ♥️
The real question is not whether life exists after death, the real question is whether you are alive before death. ~Osho
You are a fighter Lolita. You will come through this. Diana and I wish you the very best you are a stronger person than either of us!
Dearest lokita
I am so sorry for your sad news,but remember LOVE heals all.
So I am sending you LOADS of healing love.
Take care of your self you can do this.
Love and hugs
Karin
Dear Lokita, I vividly remember the Timeless Loving workshop I did with you and Steve at Breitenbush around 2001 or 2002. When I read this post my heart immediately sent you a wave of love, compassion and Violet Flame of Transmutation healing energy. I let the grief/emotion move through me released as sound. I love you and I am so grateful you are here.❤️✨💕✨❤️
Dear Lokita, I’m so sorry to hear of more hardships coming your way. Let the love that you receive from your friends, family and community give you comfort, strength and courage during this challenging time. All the best for your chemotherapy and immunotherapy treatments. Hopefully, these will get rid of the cancer once and for all. Take care. Louise Dontigny
Dear Lokita
I’m so sorry to hear this news. Please know that you are in my heart and my thoughts and I’ll be sending you love and healing energy on a daily basis. My sister is going through the same thing right now so I already have the channels open. I’m so glad you decided to let us know what’s going on with you. You’re such an inspiration to me. I think of you so often anyway and always sending divine love and light, but this is another level and important for those who love you to know. Hang in there. Be strong as I know you are. And please update us as you can and feel too. So much love and blessings. 💖 Deja
:-(. Thank you for sharing your update Lolita. It reminds us the importance of love, loving, and supporting thru our thoughts and actions. Please know I’m surrounding you with healing energy and sending strength to help fuel you.
Lokita, So sorry to hear your news. You are one of the strongest women I know, so if anyone can deal with this, it is you. Wayne and I think of you (and Steve) often with fond memories of the workshops we have done with you. We are sending all our love and positive thoughts your way. Lucy & Wayne
I will keep you in my heart and prayers. I see you whole and holy healthy and filled with light and love.
Radiating love in all directions to reach you and sending blessings for safe travel along the path to spending more time in your body and communing with life on Earth. Keep on keeping on – you’ve made it this far, and weathered many a storm. Love – Patrick
Sending all the best to you. Much love and light!
Lokita,
I was fortunate enough to share in your Ecstatic Living workshops at
Harbin starting in 2008. Steve came in one Saturday morning and said
that you had to go home to see your father who was ill. He was so
concerned for you but soldiered on with the help of all at the workshop
so that we could help ease his worry.
I have followed you health struggles and feel that you know the proper
path of healing. I will send my healing thoughts to you.
Dear Lokita,
I have followed your blog from the beginning and am halfway through your inspiring memoir. I feel like I know you and am devastated by your news as you have been through so much. I do know in my heart that you can beat this again, though I hate that you have to. My sister is going through her 8th round of chemo (Taxol) for recurring ovarian cancer. The side effects are gentler. I pray they will be for you as well.
You are a ray of light and I send love and divine healing to you.
Julie from Colorado
ach Lokita , meine Liebe.
Ich wünsche dir Kraft und Energie. Ich hoffe, dass du die chemo “gut” durchstehst und du dank liebevoller Unterstützung (und den dir ganz eigenen Kräften,), wieder gesund wirst.
Dear Lokita,
Lynne and I are saddened to hear of your grim news. We will hold you in our hearts and minds as you endure yet another round of treatment. Sending love from Alberta, Canada. We will never forget the love and inspiration you and Steve brought to our lives in 2016. Our lives were changed permanently for the better during that magical week in Costa Rica.
Love and hugs,
Peter and Lynne.
Waves of deep and heartfelt healing energy sent to you from N.Ireland.
❤️❤️❤️
Dear Lokita …
Actually, I do not exactly have words, just now. The impact of this news, for you … I cannot stretch words around it.
This is written to acknowledge to you that a reader wishes you every strength, and every possible joy and, physically, complete and successful homeostasis.
With Admiration, Love, and Gratitude
Dear, dear Lokita,
Thank you for sharing this news with us so that we can surround with love and healing energy. I am so very sorry that this diagnosis has presented itself.
Much love to you, Judi Finney
I am holding you in a hug of love
Oh Lokita. So hard. Thanks for sharing with us. There are no tidy answers here. Just feeling you.
Anna
Dear Lokita,
I was shocked reading your entry. You have always been such a kind, caring person.
We took a couple of classes with you & Steve & remember you fondly. Please know
I will be saying prayers for you & wish you healing.
With warmth,
Sheryl
Dearest Lokita,
Love and prayers being sent from San Geronimo and afar. You will yet again kick ass. Your strength has always amazed me and I believe you will yet again find that in yourself.
Love and prayer,
Tandy
Dear Lokita, I am sending a big wave of love your way. I had one of my first Watsus with you in Australia and ate on the balcony of your beautiful restaurant in Byron Bay.
May strong love pervade and heal you.
All love, Gaby
Darn it. I was stunned and saddened to hear that the cancer is back and aggressive. But if anyone can beat the odds of surviving this I KNOW that YOU CAN. You have the collective prayers from so many of your friends, community and family backing you along the way. And we are HERE for YOU. Bless you and know that the divine is intervening as I type this. I expect no less than a genuine miracle for you. You got this.
I am heart broken by this news..May you be surrounded my so much love and healing energy..I will wrap you in my arms daily sending healing energy….much love from Montana
I’m sending healing energy your way.
Waves and waves and waves of Love from Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
Dear and Beautiful Lokita, I hold you in my heart and send wave after wave of healing love, strength and sweetness…you are not alone as you have All of us here surrounding you with LOVE
Oh our dear Lokita! I am shocked and disturbed by this. And yet I am shocked and not disturbed by your resilient and wise Essence. Gosh I wish I could help!!!
I begin cancer treatment myself next week. A shock wave for sure! Enormous hugs for you and magical healing waves of light for us both!!!
Oh Vicki, I had no idea, and send you love and healing thoughts! My heart is with you. ♥️
Dearest Lokita-
It is with tears in my eyes that I think of you and send my heartfelt wishes of love and strength.
Thank you for having the courage to invite your community to witness and support you now at this crucial time.
We hold you in the highest vision of wellbeing.
You are deeply loved.
Dear Lokita;
My heart grieves for you and sending strength Love & empathy.
My heart goes out to you Lokita. Sending healing love to you now and in healing tantric practices.
Ohhhhh, Lokita…. I am so very, deeply sorry. Sending you all my love, concern, and support. May you have a complete recovery.
I love you so.
Sending you so much love and healing energy, Lokita. I am so saddened by this news- you are in my heart and thoughts and prayers and I hope that your cocoon will provide much warmth and love and healing.
I am so sorry to hear this Lokita! And so glad you decided to share the news with all of us. I will be holding you, beautiful light being, in my heart and sending healing prayers. One moment at a time sister, this too you can do!
Dear, dear Lokita, I’m so sorry to hear this. You have touched me and Jack and so many others in profound ways. May you be enfolded and supported and held beautifully as you go through this very challenging time. Much love from Oregon.
Beautiful Lokita,
I am so moved that you chose to make this more public so we can all hold you in a web of love. I am sorry to hear about the recurrence and the intense surgery. I hope this deeper chapter of moving into winter will help you rest and heal. I am sending you so much love.
XXX
Kate
OMG
You are the toughest and most resilient woman I have ever met.
There are many people in your court pulling for you.
I just sent you some info on your website on combining Turkey Tail mushroom therapy along with your chemo.
It’s been shown to have a synergistic effect with the chemo.
Maybe that’s already planned as one of the complementary therapies.
Good luck
Love and hugs,
Wayne
Oh, shoot. Lokita, I have no wise words – luckily, others have written true words so beautifully and sweetly! – all I have is my ordinary consciousness and I do have a lot of swear words about this bombshell landing in your life. I once in the past had a bodily experience of love being the heart of the universe, and you are part of all that, so there’s that, but heck. This shit is real too and definitely not a walk in the park. I never feel completely competent in channeling love and strength to others, but I can wish it with all my heart for you, and I do, especially the healing part. And having followed you through your blog since the beginning I have seen your capacity for endurance and overcoming adversity, if you feel up for it one more time. I hope you will stick around in this body, you are indeed a ray of light, and you are loved and needed. – A fan in Marin
It’s Anne again. I wrote a comment yesterday, and today I saw this wonderful poem, and wanted to send it to you:
When the reverberations of shock subside in you,
may grace come to restore you to balance.
May it shape a new space in your heart
to embrace this illness as a teacher
who has come to open your life to new worlds.
May you find in yourself a courageous hospitality
towards what is difficult, painful and unknown.
John O’Donohue