Video: “Saving Coco”
March 10, 2018: I am in Marin County in the San Francisco Bay Area to attend tonight’s annual gala of Marin Humane Society, the private, independent nonprofit organization that paid for my doghter Coco’s very substantial medical expenses after she was shot, and whose team helped Coco and me tirelessly and lovingly along the way of healing and integration. Being here is challenging.
As I step outside my friends’ house, a million and one reminders, particularly of the tough times past, rush towards me. The plants. The smell of the trees. The birdsong. The cool air. The buildings, cars, streets. The stores. Everything reminds me of Steve. Of our time together. Of the breast cancer. Of the murder. Just reading the word “Fairfax” on a road sign makes me cringe. It takes my utmost awareness not to succumb to the memories. The past is the past but it shapes my experience of now. Tears flow, and then not. Metabolizing. Letting go. Feeling it. Moving on.
Tonight at the gala there will be the premiere of a film that was made about Coco (and me), about the amazing story of survival and healing that Coco has gone through. Last year I dedicated several days to the making of this film – sat for an emotional interview, did a professional photo session with Coco, and we were filmed by a crew with lots of impressive equipment. After the showing, I will be called on stage to address the 300 or so attendees and answer some questions. The anticipation of a major meltdown weighs heavy on my heart, it tightens my throat and there are wild butterflies in my stomach. I trust that the right words will come through; they usually do. But for sure the film will be the most graphic and intense reminder of all. The future is not here yet, but still, it influences my experience of the now.
In a moment, I will put aside the computer, get out of bed, take a shower, inspect my outfit for the gala, and move through this day moment by moment. Bringing presence to the beauty and riches that surround me, and my own inner wealth and radiance. Today is our 19th wedding anniversary. And Steve is gone forever.
March 11, 2018: The next morning. After writing the above, I asked to view the film before the gala so that I could be better prepared. I am grateful that I was able to do that. Thank you, Joe. The 7-minute film is beautiful and sad and uplifting, a story of tragedy, survival and triumph. You can watch it at the end of this post.
It was mortifying to sit in the audience, to know I was going to have to stand in front of them all shortly and to speak. My entire body was shaking, I could not eat any of the delicious dinner sitting in front of me nor converse with my dinner companions.
The video was played on two large screens behind me. The silence in the room was deafening, as everyone was deeply touched by the story. You could hear a pin drop on the thick carpet. While everyone had heard and read about what happened to Steve and Coco, not many actually knew about Marin Humane Society’s involvement. Why? Because this information could not be made public while the legal process was going on.
Finally I stood there next to the MC up front. Pretty much everybody rose from their seats when I arrived on stage. Hundreds and hundreds of people standing there, looking at me, clapping. In the eyes of many of those standing closest to me I could see tears. Admiration. Disbelief. Shock. Feeling. For the first couple of minutes all I could do was to be there in my fancy evening outfit, with my hands in front of my heart, bowing to them, being humbled, grateful to all those generous donors for their contributions to Marin Humane Society that had made it possible for Coco to live, and for her to help me through the darkest night and the greatest pain with her bright light and vibrant love and joy of life.
Fortunately, my practicing – with the two friends who accompanied me to the event – of what I might say, bore fruits and the right words came to me easier than I had anticipated. I guess that after teaching hundreds of workshops, holding and speaking into a microphone to a large crowd was not intimidating to me even then! I cannot remember what I said but I do know that it did include the words thank you many, many times.
With a large bouquet of flowers in my arms – thanks again, Nancy – I watched the finale of the fundraising activities, and finally left the gala pleased that I was able to give back to Marin Humane Society by being there; that I could exemplify to those present in a very immediate way what their contributions really do mean. They (we) raised a record-breaking amount of donations that night that will help other animals and their humans in times of distress and need. If you are inclined to make a tax-deductible contribution to their efforts, please follow this link.
April 19, 2018: My profound and never-ending gratitude goes to Captain Cindy Machado of Marin Humane Society and her team; the doctors and nurses at UC Davis Small Animal Veterinary Clinic; and the team of the Pet Emergency & Specialty Center of Marin. And to all the donors who made it happen. Without you all Coco and I would not be here today. Thank you. ♥
Thank you also to Mario San Miguel and his fabulous team Marshall and Andrew for creating this touching video. It was a true pleasure working with you!
What an inspiring story. Thank you for sharing it Lokita. Sending you and Coco love and light!
Beautiful video. Heart-opening. Thank you, again and again, sweet Lokita. You are always the goddess, and always teaching us something profoundly great.💜
Once again I am so touched by all that you have been through and your courage and resilience in the face of unthinkable tragedy. My heart goes out to you sister. I think of you often and pray that each day you’re finding peace and joy. And I know that guided by higher spiritual path you are. We are one in the all in all.
Thank you for sharing this Lokita. My eyes are leaking! You and the amazing Coco are truly inspiring. I send you both love and joy! Steve is very proud of you both.
Sending love
What a journey..fighting back tears but then seeing Coco running joyfully and knowing the love you feel for her..it’s good and healing. You write so beautifully. Lokita.and continue to be an inspiration to all whose path you cross. Thank you. Hugs to you and Coco.
So happy they were able to save Coco and that you two have each other. Sending virtual hugs xoxo
What a gift! Bless the hearts and hands that helped Coco, and you, survive.
Also glad my friends are having time with you. I hope all kinds of joy is happening for them in your capable care. 💖
Hello Gwenn 💖 yes, all kinds of joys are happening. I felt you here with us. Sending love and hugs.
OMG Ir made me cry the entire time… God I love you both so much and it brought back all these memories and so grateful you both survived this hell realm.. Thank God for the Marin Humane Society to show so much love and respect and dedication to the life of a dog and sensitivity to what she means to you. Coco is a wonderful loving sweet and sensitive friend… I can say from experience. See you both soon!! Lots of love
I had tears even before I started watching the video, so much sadness around this senseless tragedy of loss. And more tears watching it, however seeing your courage, joy and love for Coco is so beautifully heartfelt. Lokita, thank you for your courage in attending that gala, making this film and helping to raise money for the Humane Society, and for people who care about life and love.
Oh my, so many tears, both great joy and great sadness, and inside each one so very much love❌⭕️❤️
Dearest Lokita:
Watching you tell the story of your journey with CoCo was very touching. So grateful for the many people and organizations that banded together to save CoCo. May the two of you share many happy days together with Steve’s spirit close by.Hugs to you and CoCo.
Hope to see you when you come to California again.
Take Care
Michele
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of re-birth and love. Coco is truly an embodied Steve..she was never going to leave you!!!! You have been through unthinkale grief, and your sharing helps ALL of us to move through your pain, our own pain, and the stuff of life, that does not seem “fair” or just….and so we grieve alone, together and appreciate LIFE as you have. And Coco and Steve gave you!!!! And continue to give you…
Thanks for this sharing of your grief and recovering joy that I know you are so capable of ! It was also good to hear a little about the murder from your voice. It was very abstract and removed for me, having been removed from you and Steve’s life over the recent years. That time in my life going through our LET together, and teaching and assisting with Margo and you and Steve is a highlight in my life. Steve was a very special man that I could relate to and identify with throughout those years. You two also stood out as an example of what we were teaching more than Margo ever did. I am grateful for what your coupledom donated to the teachings, I was envious of that, and still am to a degree. Thanks so much for grounding your grief with me through this video! And YES, dogs are supreme healers and examples of the Tantric doctrine, their loyalty and love is complete. BIG HUG Jeff 💚🐾
Lokita- I am forever grateful to you and Coco for your message and example of joy and happiness amidst the suffering and trauma of your lives. And so wonderful that you were able to make this video and inspire contributions to the Marin Humane Society so that other beloved pets and their humans can spend many more years together in health.
Many tender hugs to you and Coco, Sue
Oh Lokita, what a touching video of what you and Coco went through and how saving Coco also saved you. The joy that you and Coco had on reuniting is palpable – I also thank and bless the Humane Society for all that they did to save and hold you both and make that joy and your lives together possible. What a gift you gave to speak that night. Blessings and love to you…
It is wonderful to read about your healing and I am glad Coco is doing well!
Shine on, Lokita❤️
So beautiful, cried my eyes out. I miss Steve and appreciate the ways you help keep him alive for me. I love you beautiful Lokita. Susan
Lokita – I just watched “Saving Coco” video. Lovely. But YOU!!! OMG, the energy pouring out of your eyes, and your whole presence. WOW!!! An order-of-magnitude jump in what I’d ever felt in the past. Think a whole new BIG giving is coming through.
I’d sent you an image of a one-breasted androgynous sculpture from the Elephanta Cave Temple in India. Sent it recently to a woman in Texas who had been through similar. She framed it, and cried every time she looked at it. Differences on the outside aren’t important . . . it’s what lies inside that is important.
How wonderful what you’ve re-emerged with.
Blessings,
Tom
That she survived is such a magical thing and your reunion of love seems such a testimony to hope. Thank you again for all your sharing and for letting us know how others have been an important part of this. xxx
Just read this and watched the video… tears streaming… sending so much love, dear lion-hearted Lokita…