Der Geist ist nie wahllos
Hier bin ich nun, ganz allein. Der Strom der engen Freunde aus Kalifornien ist abgeebbt. Er begann an dem Tag, als ich im Dezember hier in Costa Rica ankam, und meine letzten beiden Besucher sind gestern abgereist. Im Haus ist es ruhig. Coco ist in höchster Alarmbereitschaft und patrouilliert eifrig auf dem Gelände. In letzter Zeit tauchen viele Fragen auf - wo will ich leben, was will ich tun, wäre dies besser oder jenes?
In meinen Gedanken drehen sie sich immer weiter im Kreis. Meine Fähigkeit, mit dem Leben hier in meiner Hängematte, im Pool, im tropischen Paradies präsent zu sein, nimmt ab, während mein Verstand Pläne schmiedet und sich mit 1.001 neuen Optionen übertrifft.
Wenn ich über meine Gedanken spreche, nehmen sie immer mehr Raum in meinem gegenwärtigen Erleben ein und ziehen mich regelrecht herunter. Ich identifiziere mich voll und ganz mit dem Drama, das sich in meinem eigenen Kopf abspielt.
Ich weiß, dass die Gedanken nicht real sind. Sie sind Hirngespinste meines ruhelosen Geistes. Dennoch drehen sich seine Räder weiter und produzieren mehr und mehr Ideen, nur um dies zu vermeiden:
Ich bin jetzt allein hier. Steve ist tot. Mein Leben, wie ich es kannte, ist vorbei.
Wenn ich mich von diesen Gedanken zurückziehe, sie beobachte, sie nicht füttere, wird das Leben ekstatischer, und ich habe das Gefühl, dass alles richtig ist. Mit Coco am Strand spazieren gehen. Meine frische Wäsche sortieren und falten. Das Entwerfen und Nähen von Bezügen für meine Sofakissen. Diese Aktivitäten sind echt.
Es gibt keinen Grund, etwas zu entscheiden. Ich muss eigentlich überhaupt keinen Plan machen. Das Leben wird mir den Weg zu seinem eigenen Zeitpunkt zeigen.
Ich bin jetzt allein hier. Steve ist tot. Mein Leben, wie ich es kannte, ist vorbei. Das Herz öffnet sich für diese Tatsachen, die Gedanken weichen dem Vertrauen, und alles ist gut.
"Du brauchstnichtzu wählen; werde wahllos. Und was auch immer geschieht, geschieht; was auch immer geschieht, ist gut. Lass die Dinge geschehen, anstatt zu versuchen, etwas zu tun, und du wirst überrascht sein, dass alle Zweideutigkeit verschwindet. Es ist ein Nebenprodukt des Verstandes des Wählenden, des wählenden Verstandes, der Zweideutigkeit erzeugt. Ansonsten gibt es kein Dilemma. Negatives und Positives sind im Leben perfekt ausbalanciert." ~Osho
If I remember rightly, folding laundry always was respite and recovery time for you. I smiled to see you mention it here and I smile to think of you doing it to stay present in this now. Simple pleasures…
Yes, Lane, you are right. Folding laundry is one of my special meditations. You have an excellent memory! Sending love to you. ♥
“thoughts give way to trust, and everything is ok.” Thank you dear Lolita, friend, teacher…this is my new mantra. I love you.
I love you too. ♥ And, by the way, here in Costa Rica my name is indeed “Lolita” because in Spanish, “lokita” means little crazy one (loco=crazy), and most people don’t like to call me that to my face, so I have adapted my name ♥
Lovely Lolita ❤️
Thank you. I was thinking about you this morning and I’m glad to see this post. My mind is on over drive too. Trying to make decisions to move forward and I’m stuck all at the same time. You remind me to just be and to not give into the chaos created by my over active imagination. To just be and let things unfold. Love you Lokita
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I rest in your words. Thank you.
Thank you for reading my blog 🙂
Lovely, Pura Vida ~ let it be and thanks for ever being you, sharing too <3
Pura vida ♥
Another beautiful piece, another beautiful realization, another beautiful lesson. I am wondering whether you could simply publish a compilation of your blog posts or whether a book would be better served by some additional writing or commentary that would string all the posts together like a string of pearls. Right now, I am feeling that the string or thread is already there… ❤
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Deep awareness, Lokita, dearest… Thank you for inspiring, reminding and totally modeling the practice of now… Namaste
I have been thinking about you. ♥ Sending lots of love
The chooser’s mind….. I have been caught in that place dealing with decisions to be made around my mother’s care in this final stage. Turns out things were right where they needed to be. We want to grab it by the throat and wrestle it to the ground. I surrender and all needs are met, already being met. Better than I could have planned. This post came at a great time. I love you, Lokita. I miss you too…….
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I am so glad to hear from you and about the current place in your journey. As usual you have taken this experience and brought forth wisdom to ground it. I too have made a gigantic move and am resettling in a new time a new place. My mind also is busy with trying to make decisions about the myriad details. Thank you for the reminder that I don’t always need to choose. Resting in the silence can be so much more nourishing. Sending you love and seeing you and Coco enjoy a long walks on the beach.
Lovely – and a wonderful reminder. I am so happy we spent some time together in CR and delighted to be part of your birthday celebration. Sending love. Paula
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Sending love to you and Coco, thank you for continuing to share your journey. When we listen carefully the answers will reveal themselves as we all have direct access to the divine. You are allowing yourself to be, be in the moment, in presence. Beautiful. Hugs and I hope the journey will have us meet again sometime, somewhere. I would love that💕🙏
Lokita, Thank you for sharing this powerful insight. You have a way of writing about the mind that helps me see it for what it is, because I see you bravely and persistently see it and get out of it and be in the present, and that helps me to do the same. Big hugs and much love in your beautiful and precious aloneness there. Carolyn
Thoughts pulling me down – that’s exactly how it feels! Instead of thinking of choices today I’ll be thinking of the ecstatic picture of you and Coco on the beach – thank you!
There are some days, reading your blog is difficult and heartbreaking, but you always have a way of bringing calm. Even in sorrow. I am currently recovering from shoulder surgery, in a hotel, with my dog. Our house is in Bay Area on the market, and most likely sold by the end of the week. Feeling very “ungrounded” and not knowing the future. You always brighten and clarify. Thank you.
So what is your best piece of advise for moving to CR? What would you do differently? What would you do again? And anything you tell Mark and I to help us on our way?
Wishing you a swift recovery and smooth quick house sale. Moving is difficult. The Great Unkown. As for CR, let’s write via email 💞
Just loving you and your journey from afar. ♥
Dreams emerging about coming to visit and creating a retreat, workshop together….
Folding laundry could be a very sweet part of it. I indulge in meditating that way often as well.
Glad to know you have brilliant nature around you, loving your very Being back to wholeness and vision …
♥ ♥ Shanti
I hear you Lolita. When you feel us all out here who remain tied to your journey through all you have given, you are not alone.
Wish I was there . . .
Dearest Lokita, I hold you tender in my heart and am sending you my love. I cherish the lovely times we were on the cruises together.
I wish you healthy, joyous and love always on your new journey of life. Janet Dale
Feel you, your persistence in being in the here and the now, heart raw, nerve endings vulnerable, and yet relaxing into being,,, being,,, breathing, used to love folding your laundry, lots of love and hugs to you.!!!