Steves Geburt feiern
Tomorrow. April 25. Steve’s birthday. It will always be his birthday, and I will always remember it. What a unique, loving, kind and beautiful being breathed this same air we breathe, for the first time that day 60-some years ago.
We celebrated 16 of his birth anniversaries together. My heart is broken into 10,000 pieces that I will no longer be able to sing Happy Birthday Opera Style for him. That I will never be able to surprise him with that perfect birthday gift again. That I will never see his eyes shine with the pure joy of being celebrated. Steve loved his birthday!
When he turned 60, he requested one of two gifts: either a trip to Las Vegas where he had never been before, or a really great birthday party. What did I do? I arranged a surprise birthday party for him in Las Vegas. Six of our then-closest friends came. Steve had no idea.
I took him to the glorious Venetian Hotel where I had made dinner reservations, and we ambled around the piazza, enjoying the Italian vibe and the balmy feel, the canals and gondolas. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, P&Y appeared. Steve was bewildered. What are they doing here, he asked. I can’t believe it! He was beside himself.
Y played along beautifully, pretending to be on a business trip with his wife. We walked along, the four of us. Steve was delighted to see them, on his birthday of all days! They had come a long way from the East Coast and we didn’t see each other that often.
After a few minutes, Steve spotted our other friends P&M at the gelato stall. Lokita, he said, isn’t that P&M over there? Couldn’t be! He was so incredibly surprised, it was the sweetest sight! His face got all flushed with excitement.
By the time hugs were shared with P&M, he was beginning to get the idea that there was more to this Las Vegas trip than first met the eye. Finally, P&B showed up, when we were just entering the Italian restaurant. And they had a birthday hat for Steve:
He was so happy, you would not believe it! We spent a fabulous weekend together, watching a Cirque du Soleil show (“O”), hanging out by the pool, having drinks at the fancy celebrity nightclub of the moment, dancing and sharing love.
I know that all the people who came together that weekend still remember it as vividly as I do, even though some of us are not in touch any more.
When Steve turned 63, we spent his birthday in Kathmandu. It had always been one of his big dreams, to go to Kathmandu. We had four days there, and his birthday was the day before we flew out to Bhutan for our tantric pilgrimage with a group of 14 tantrikas.
At the Yak & Yeti hotel, the 16 of us sat a long, long table in the restaurant, Steve all decked out in his brand new, bead-encrusted kurta, smiling like a benevolent king on his throne. I had arranged a large, amazing birthday cake, and a fragrant tuberose mala for Steve which he wore, shining like a star.
Or how about a couple of years ago when he wanted to go to Santa Cruz for his birthday. His kids and I had arranged a top-secret birthday dinner party when Steve was thinking it was “just” him and me celebrating at a restaurant on the pier? I had blindfolded him before driving to his son’s house, where everything was set up for a dinner party. Steve had no idea and when he took off the blindfold after his son had opened the door, tears of joy shone in his eyes.
And then last year on April 25th, he wished for a party with all our friends in Costa Rica. He wanted to have line-dancing, and fun, and laughter and good food. We had a colorful potluck gourmet buffet, and our friends Bee and Lidhi led a line dance / salsa class for all the 30 or so guests on our yoga deck. They had prepared for it for days; I had been hearing the music waft over from the neighboring house as they practiced and laughed.
It was the sweetest evening, with everyone playing and celebrating, laughing and dancing around. Even the shyest people came out of their shells for the occasion! I can never remember the steps and got all tethered up and confused. Not so Steve! He showed so much enthusiasm and talent. And to end the night, Mike played his guitar and songs were sung together as the moon shone on over the ocean.
And now Steve is gone, his life taken away from him, unfathomable, just like that.
As tomorrow looms ahead of me, I am bewildered of how much meaning a day can have when I make it meaningful. Theoretically it could be just another day, like any day. But it’s not, and it never will be again. My whole being weeps.
And yet.
Let us celebrate together the birth of this amazing man Steve Carter, who gave us all so much love, so generously and open-heartedly. Who lived to enjoy his life and be happy, to make others happy, and to help transform the world into a better place.
Wherever you are, Steve, I love you and celebrate your birthday with you in my heart and soul.
Beautifully written in celebration of a beautiful man. My heart is with you, Lokita, as you grieve and celebrate, smile and cry at your memories. He was a gem.
I believe you can celebrate him in a way that brings you tremendous connection with him and deep pleasure and of course, tears, but perhaps more beauty and connection than tears. My friends just lost their two sons, ten and five, in a sudden, unexplainable house fire. The 5 year old’s birthday was the same as mine, April 15th. I’m blown away by the journey this couple are on as they let go into their losses and find their way. So, if I may, if it feels right to you, find a way, or let it find you, to have that surprise party for Steve on his birthday. He will be close by, loving you as always.
oh oh oh, to celebrate such a radiant being. His radiance shines on within me. I who only knew him for one year, forever and ever touched. With his spirit and brilliant teaching, bubbling up at unexpected times. I celebrate his day of birth with an open heart. Thank you Lokita for sharing such sweet, intimate and touching moments with all of us.
Lokita, this is such a beautiful post. I humbly offer you the following poem and translation taken from the program of a concert I attended this evening. I think Steve would have loved it.
Cuando yo muero quiero tus manos en mis ojos:
quiero la luz y el trigo de tus manos amadas
pasar una vez más sobre mí su frescura:
sentir la suavidad que cambió mi destino.
Quiero que vivas mientras yo, dormido, te espero,
quiero que tus oídos sigan oyendo el viento,
que huelas el aroma del mar que amamos juntos
y que sigas pisando la arena que pisamos.
Quiero que lo que amo siga vivo
y a ti te amé y canté sobre todas las cosas,
por eso sigue tú floreciendo, florida,
para que alcances todo lo que mi amor te ordena,
para que se pasee mi sombra por tu pelo,
para que así conozcan la razón de mi canto.
When I die, I want your hands upon my eyes:
I want the light and the wheat of your beloved hands
to pass their freshness over me one more time:
I want to feel the gentleness that changed my destiny.
I want you to live while I wait for you, asleep,
I want your ears to still hear the wind,
I want you to smell the scent of the sea we both loved,
and to continue walking on the sand we walked on.
I want all that I love to keep on living,
and you whom I loved and sang above all things,
to keep flowering into full bloom,
so that you can touch all that my love provides you,
so that my shadow may pass over your hair,
so that all may know the reason for my song.
This is completely beautiful. Thank you sos much for this particular post.
Is there a name and author?
It’s by Pablo Neruda
Thank you, Peter, so glorious. In both Spanish and English. Soothing to my heart.
I’m glad you liked it, Lokita. And thanks for adding the authorial credit – which I realized I had omitted right after I pressed Enter!
You and Steve are always in my heart. Thank you for your continuing courage in sharing your journey with us. I am moved beyond words.
Much love from Lynne and me.
How beautiful, I have tears in my eyes.
A lovely poem and so in keeping with Lokita’s beautiful writing. Celebration indeed.
Thank for sharing this Lokita. I will be celebrating Steve tomorrow. Giving gratitude for having known him and having shared his light in this lifetime. And I share your grief as well. I love you dear sister. I send you strength and appreciation and reverence.
Steve certainly did know how to live, love and celebrate life! We feel blessed to have known him and will remember him always. <3 <3 <3!!!
Brings tears to my eyes.
Shining eyes. Yes, that was Steve. That will always BE Steve. He did love to love and be loved. I remember him saying in the days just before he left us, “Love the person who is right in front of you.” It was something I think he had heard Pope Francis say and it resonated with him. Love the person who is right in front of you. We can’t do it all. We can’t get to everyone who needs us, but we can do what is right in front of us. So how can I apply this teaching off his ( and I do believe he was teaching me that day) to my now? I can surprise someone and make their eyes shine. Thank you, Lokita. You have reminded me today of what I CAN do.
I feel your loving heart so much, dearest Lokita.
The treasure of loving Steve is timeless and a dear gift to him from you. I miss him, too.
I hope you will do something today that is an activity or place that Steve would love. It is my true belief that our departed loved ones come to us when we least expect and just maybe a sweet energetic visit is on its way to you.
Yes, Coco and I will go to the beach with a friend, and have dinner with champagne to celebrate Steve, and to celebrate the completion of my cancer treatment with him, on this day, too. <3
My first meeting with Steve was walking back from Playa Grande and meeting him as he walked Zuma and Coco. One couldn’t help but be impressed with the joy and love of life that radiated from him. Needless to say, I liked him from the get go. My most vivid memory of Steve is actually two memories at his birthday party in Costa Rica. The first was sitting at your dining room table and looking to my left and seeing his expression of total joy. The second memory is him dancing across the floor with a happiness that was just pure and radiant. I must say Lokita, I use that second image in my life when I get a little down. His memory lifts my spirits and guides me to better thoughts. He will always be with me and help make me a bit of a better person. I feel lucky to have known him and you, Lokita. All our love is with you, Lokita.
Beautifully written. Michael and I are remembering Steve today and praying for you, Rob and Emily.
Thank you, Julie. I am thinking of you and Michael and Brian today, especially, too.
Steve contributed such value to humanity, almost impossible to measure. MOST humans would be lucky to give of themselves to the benefit of the human condition as Steve did throughout his life. We who experienced his gift can be eternally thankful that Steve Carter lived and we knew hum
.
this entry brings heartbreaking joy … what an amazing gift giver you are! feeling you so as I sit by my father who is actively dying … bittersweet emotions and a tender place indeed.
Happy Birthday Steve!! Love you!
Thank you Lokita for that beautiful expression of love. We still recall our vacation with the two of you in Costa Rica as a model for living at its most luscious and in the best of senses lubricious.
My heart burst open as I read the many ways that you showed Steve so much love on his birthdays. You are a beautiful woman Lokita. I so admire your perseverance and determination to LIVE!! Bless you.
Alles Liebe zum Geburtstag, Steve.
Look out for Lokita when its her time to celebrate
I weep and celebrate Steve, you and the love you shared. You are in my heart❤️
Bless the day Steve was born.
❤️
Oh Lokita, you bring tears to my eyes…..so much love and care for your beloved Steve.Thank you for sharing these beautiful stories and precious moments. He is with you all along, watching over you….surprise him again! I love you beautiful, sweet, courageous goddess.
Blessings! Happy birthday Steve! Love you and miss you!
What beautiful memories..will think of you and Steve tomorrow as you commemorate the day and life of your beloved.
Peace
Oh Lokita–What a beautiful post. You are not alone in remembering and cherishing and yes celebrating Steve on this day. Enjoy the beach with Coco—laugh, cry, play, and remember him as he is always with you. With love, Xanet
We are all with you in celebrating his amazing life and the role you played in filling it with Love!
Tears stream my face as I read this beautiful birthday tribute to your beloved Steve. Thank you both for your precious gifts of love and courage and everything in between.
Oh so beautiful your share..and to celebrate Steve forever is completely appropriate! What a man of joy and passion, and how lucky he was to have YOU, and you him. I wish I could change that day he left us so badly, and it teaches me acceptance and to live more fully now. I am glad you are healing and hope you can find peace in all of this. Your shares help us all to heal..as it is too much for you alone, so sharing is a gift to all of us. You are amazing, SO glad you have Coco the wonder dog, and how you embrace life.
I think of Steve every day, not just on April 25. And I celebrate the magnificent human being who was my teacher and my friend. Your words are so poignant and sweet. Your voice connects our hearts, Lokita.
How exquisite that Steve had such a full life, ALL of it due to the choices he made, not the least of which was his choice in you.
Thank you for sharing these beautiful, joyful memories. I feel blessed to know more about your lives. Love is so beautiful, I appreciate you for sharing your love in this post today.
Dear Lokita, How wonderful to be able to “visit Steve” through your post! What a bright shining star of a soul! Thinking of you both with love, Susn
❤️
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