This statement was made to the court on April 18, 2017 during the sentencing hearing of my husband Steve’s murderers. I spoke it freely, standing upright.

Your Honor, Judge Simmons

Thank you for allowing me to speak for a few moments before showing the impact statement video I recorded five weeks after Steve was murdered.

I’ve thought for a long time what to speak about today.

I wanted to speak about Steve, but there is more about him in the video.

Then I was going to speak about the fact that Morrison Lampley shot Coco, our dog, and give all the details of the injuries and the trauma that the shot inflicted on her. Particularly because the charge of animal cruelty will be dismissed during this hearing. But I wrote about it on my blog instead which is read by several thousand subscribers.

And what I really would like to do is stand in front of the prisoners and shout and scream and express rage and fury and pain and anger and despair and grief and disgust, with my body rather than words but this is not the right place for that.

So.

It has been 562 days.

I keep feeling that any moment now I will wake up from this nightmare, and Steve and I are together, with our dogs, at home and that everything is well, and it was just a horrible, horrible dream.

But it was not. This is real. I am here in this courtroom, looking at Steve’s killers. I still can’t quite believe it.

Sean Angold, Lila Alligood and Morrison Lampley – many times since you murdered Steve and shot our dog Coco have I wished to be dead. The unbearable grief, the pain and trauma your actions caused me has been just too much.

But I am still here. Somehow I have survived those 562 days of nightmare.

I refuse to be your victim. Me, be the victim of three violent, cold blooded, evil, apparently brain dead drug addicts?

You have taken from me pretty much everything that meant anything to me, but I am not going to die because of you.

Slowly, I am going to rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I will live in peace and gratitude for having had 17 wonderful years with a beautiful man in a fun, mature, loving, creative relationship. My beloved Steve will forever live on in my heart, and I will do anything to keep our beautiful dog Coco safe and happy, so she can run on the beach and play in the waves.

But you? In a drug induced craze you became cold-blooded murderers. So now prepare to pay for it. Your actions cost you your freedom, and really, your life. This is your very own horror movie, and it is not going to end any time soon.

I am going to walk out of this courtroom later today with a sense of relief that the legal process is over. You, however, will walk out of here to begin your life in hell on earth.

Will justice be served today when the sentences are handed down? As far as I’m concerned no punishment, however harsh, could do justice to the horrific, unforgivable crimes you committed — intentionally and as far as I know, without any remorse whatsoever.