Entries by Lokita Carter

I already died

(Note the past tense.) Yes, I hit the wall, I arrived at rock bottom. No, I did not want to live any more. The dark night of the soul, the darkest hour, period. The tiredness was total and overpowering; I let myself be tiredness personified. The next session with my psychotherapist:

Happy Birthday Steve ❤

Today marks the 69th anniversary of Steve’s birth. I had planned some time ago to release most of my part of his ashes into the ocean on this day. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about it here because this is such a private, intimate and sacred occasion but since something […]


It is the day after Steve’s killers were sentenced to a combined 165 years in prison. I woke up to sunshine in Marin County after a long, deep sleep. The legal process is over, was my first thought. But my heart is still heavy from the intensity of sitting in the court room, hearing the […]