The Mind is never choiceless

Here I am, all alone now. The flow of close friends from California has ended. It began the day I arrived here in Costa Rica in December and my final two visitors left yesterday. The house is quiet. Coco is on extra alert, busily patrolling the grounds. Lately, many questions have been arising – where do I want to live, what I want to do, would this better, or that?

Round and round in my mind they go. My ability to be present with how life is right here in my hammock, in the lap pool, in the tropical paradise… it diminishes while my mind makes plans and outdoes itself with 1,001 new options.

When I talk about my thoughts, they take up more and more room in my present experience and in fact they pull me down. I get fully and completely identified with the drama unfolding in my own head.

I know that the thoughts are not real. They are figments of my restless mind. Yet its wheels continue to turn, churning out more and more ideas, just to avoid this:

I am here alone now. Steve is dead. My life as I knew it is over.

When I step back from these thoughts, observe them, not feed them, life becomes more ecstatic, and there is a sense of rightness in everything. Going for a walk on the beach with Coco. Sorting and folding my fresh laundry. Designing and sewing covers for my sofa cushions. These activities are real.

There is no reason to decide anything. I don’t actually have to make any plan at all. Life will show me the way in its own timing.

I am here alone now. Steve is dead. My life as I knew it is over. The heart opens to those facts, the thoughts give way to trust, and everything is ok.

“No need to choose; become choiceless. And whatsoever happens happens; whatsoever happens is good. Let things happen rather than trying to do, and you will be surprised that all ambiguity disappears. It is a by-product of the chooser’s mind, the choosing mind, that creates ambiguity. Otherwise there is no dilemma. Negative and positive are perfectly balancing in life.” ~Osho

30 replies
  1. Lane deMoll
    Lane deMoll says:

    If I remember rightly, folding laundry always was respite and recovery time for you. I smiled to see you mention it here and I smile to think of you doing it to stay present in this now. Simple pleasures…

    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      Yes, Lane, you are right. Folding laundry is one of my special meditations. You have an excellent memory! Sending love to you. ♥

  2. melantha
    melantha says:

    “thoughts give way to trust, and everything is ok.” Thank you dear Lolita, friend, teacher…this is my new mantra. I love you.

    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      I love you too. ♥ And, by the way, here in Costa Rica my name is indeed “Lolita” because in Spanish, “lokita” means little crazy one (loco=crazy), and most people don’t like to call me that to my face, so I have adapted my name ♥

  3. Teresa
    Teresa says:

    Thank you. I was thinking about you this morning and I’m glad to see this post. My mind is on over drive too. Trying to make decisions to move forward and I’m stuck all at the same time. You remind me to just be and to not give into the chaos created by my over active imagination. To just be and let things unfold. Love you Lokita

  4. Tracy
    Tracy says:

    Another beautiful piece, another beautiful realization, another beautiful lesson. I am wondering whether you could simply publish a compilation of your blog posts or whether a book would be better served by some additional writing or commentary that would string all the posts together like a string of pearls. Right now, I am feeling that the string or thread is already there… ❤

  5. Holly and Brian
    Holly and Brian says:

    Deep awareness, Lokita, dearest… Thank you for inspiring, reminding and totally modeling the practice of now… Namaste

  6. Mary Alice
    Mary Alice says:

    The chooser’s mind….. I have been caught in that place dealing with decisions to be made around my mother’s care in this final stage. Turns out things were right where they needed to be. We want to grab it by the throat and wrestle it to the ground. I surrender and all needs are met, already being met. Better than I could have planned. This post came at a great time. I love you, Lokita. I miss you too…….

  7. Wahila Wilkie
    Wahila Wilkie says:

    I am so glad to hear from you and about the current place in your journey. As usual you have taken this experience and brought forth wisdom to ground it. I too have made a gigantic move and am resettling in a new time a new place. My mind also is busy with trying to make decisions about the myriad details. Thank you for the reminder that I don’t always need to choose. Resting in the silence can be so much more nourishing. Sending you love and seeing you and Coco enjoy a long walks on the beach.

  8. Paula
    Paula says:

    Lovely – and a wonderful reminder. I am so happy we spent some time together in CR and delighted to be part of your birthday celebration. Sending love. Paula

  9. Samvada
    Samvada says:

    Sending love to you and Coco, thank you for continuing to share your journey. When we listen carefully the answers will reveal themselves as we all have direct access to the divine. You are allowing yourself to be, be in the moment, in presence. Beautiful. Hugs and I hope the journey will have us meet again sometime, somewhere. I would love that💕🙏

  10. Carolyn Arnold
    Carolyn Arnold says:

    Lokita, Thank you for sharing this powerful insight. You have a way of writing about the mind that helps me see it for what it is, because I see you bravely and persistently see it and get out of it and be in the present, and that helps me to do the same. Big hugs and much love in your beautiful and precious aloneness there. Carolyn

  11. Sue Tobias
    Sue Tobias says:

    Thoughts pulling me down – that’s exactly how it feels! Instead of thinking of choices today I’ll be thinking of the ecstatic picture of you and Coco on the beach – thank you!

  12. Danielle Adair
    Danielle Adair says:

    There are some days, reading your blog is difficult and heartbreaking, but you always have a way of bringing calm. Even in sorrow. I am currently recovering from shoulder surgery, in a hotel, with my dog. Our house is in Bay Area on the market, and most likely sold by the end of the week. Feeling very “ungrounded” and not knowing the future. You always brighten and clarify. Thank you.
    So what is your best piece of advise for moving to CR? What would you do differently? What would you do again? And anything you tell Mark and I to help us on our way?

    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      Wishing you a swift recovery and smooth quick house sale. Moving is difficult. The Great Unkown. As for CR, let’s write via email 💞

  13. Shantika Bernard
    Shantika Bernard says:

    Just loving you and your journey from afar. ♥
    Dreams emerging about coming to visit and creating a retreat, workshop together….
    Folding laundry could be a very sweet part of it. I indulge in meditating that way often as well.
    Glad to know you have brilliant nature around you, loving your very Being back to wholeness and vision …
    ♥ ♥ Shanti

  14. Monica
    Monica says:

    I hear you Lolita. When you feel us all out here who remain tied to your journey through all you have given, you are not alone.

  15. Janet Dale
    Janet Dale says:

    Dearest Lokita, I hold you tender in my heart and am sending you my love. I cherish the lovely times we were on the cruises together.
    I wish you healthy, joyous and love always on your new journey of life. Janet Dale

  16. Christina
    Christina says:

    Feel you, your persistence in being in the here and the now, heart raw, nerve endings vulnerable, and yet relaxing into being,,, being,,, breathing, used to love folding your laundry, lots of love and hugs to you.!!!


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