Suffering is Optional

Before my mastectomy, I found myself lamenting that I hate hospitals, that I am afraid of the surgery, the outcome, et cetera. Lokita’s Great Suffering was witnessed at the dinner table. When I realized what I was doing – mentally creating a negative experience – I consciously turned it around. I told my friends that I wanted to be totally conscious and aware as I enter the operating room. That I wanted to be fully aware when I awake from the anesthesia, and that I was going to bring everything to make me comfortable for my time in the hospital. Can I be ecstatic every moment?

So, I packed my suitcase with my down duvet; Tiger, the snuggle toy; my pillow; sleep mask, etc — all the accoutrements that make my bed and space sacred and comfy. Two girlfriends stayed with me from the moment I arrived at the hospital, until I was wheeled into the operating room.

I am pleased to report that I managed to “catch” both moments – of going under, strapped down on the operating table, and of coming back alive in the recovery room. It was very empowering and liberating to have that conscious experience, and one that I manifested myself! Indeed I died and was reborn, all in one day.

And after the surgery, no pain, no tears, no nausea. Just pure empty space. Just goes to show that attitude is everything, and that I am not the victim of this situation!

The surgery was a success. Well, mind you – the breast is gone, and one side of my chest is flat. There was no cancer in the lymph nodes, plus the surgeon informed me by phone yesterday that she managed to cut out all the cancer with adequate, large and clear margins. I am right now cancer free, NED – no evidence of disease.

At the moment my entire life is dedicated to healing. I lie around on the bed and watch mindless, funny movies. My friend Tracy makes me lovely meals and sits by my side when I am riding tsunamis of grief about my life with Steve being over. My attention span in conversations is very short, both on the phone, and in person. But hey – I am 100% engaged with healing myself right now!

Soon the surgical drain will be removed, and the wound will heal. After that, I still have treatment hoops to jump through – seven weeks of radiation, and perhaps some more chemotherapy. We shall see.

My new motto is — LONG LIVE LOKITA.

And yes, I can be ecstatic every moment, even the most horrible and challenging ones.

69 replies
  1. Roxanne
    Roxanne says:

    Long Live LOKITA! How beautiful that you have been able to turn your fear into being present. You are amazing. And that the cancer has not spread is so fantastic. Definitely a Christmas blessing. I love you and thank you so much that even in your turmoil you are teaching us. Many more great things are in store for you. Loving hugs and blessings.

  2. Kim Stanley
    Kim Stanley says:

    Awesome work, you are an inspiration to ALL…you walk the path of enlightened and REAL humans!!!!!LOVE heals all!!!! Let us know when you are able to have a visitor and where, I would love to come by and bring you some joy of your choice: foot massage, musical infusion, food, laughter, a hug, etc. Kim Stanley

  3. Christina de Jongh
    Christina de Jongh says:

    Dearest Lokita,
    Thank you for sharing your ongoing journey. I just realized the other day that, inspite of the fact that you were a victim of a totally unbelievably horrific crime against your husband, in no way are you buying into being a victim. You choose consciously how you surround yourself with support as you are deeply grieving, you consciously choose how you engage in the loss of one of your beautiful breasts. You are ALIVE and CONSCIOUS in the midst of ridingoverwhelmingly difficult waves…like Durga on the Tiger. Durga Lokita…a Luminous Being. I love you so much and enjoy your company…. vulnerable and powerful. I pray that your journey may ease up from now on. That your birth as a cancer free being will lead to a cancer free life surrounded by lots of love. May you heal fully and swiftly.

  4. Charlotte Rolle
    Charlotte Rolle says:

    Live long Lokita! I share your mantra to add love and positive energy! Go forth sweet soul in love and peace💖🌹❤️

  5. Angie Williams
    Angie Williams says:

    Long Live Lokita!!! ❤❤❤ Welcome home Coco! Dobies are the best healing buddies. My Fergus only left my side when absolutely necessary. I hope you receive this next statement with the love intended…the song Stayin’ Alive popped into my head just now. A new anthem perhaps?❤

  6. Corinna
    Corinna says:

    Long live Lokita and long live Coco! Is she coming home soon? Then both of you have each other and you can heal together and live long life’s together!
    Have been thinking about you and sending prayers!
    So happy to hear you are NED!!!

  7. robert silber
    robert silber says:

    Thank you for the beautiful update. Thank you for the reminder that we create our own experience and that we have choice…Aloha!

  8. Betsy Russell
    Betsy Russell says:

    Healing energy sent your way. You are truly amazing Lokita. As always, part of my daily thoughts are with you and your journey.

    Simply, madly, hopefully, lovingly, spiritually there with you!

  9. Margi Wainio
    Margi Wainio says:

    Dearest Lokita,

    Before this past fall, I had never heard of you. Remo had mentioned Steve occasionally, but never your name. You have no idea what an impact you are having on people you have not yet met personally–like me. You are one of the proudest, bravest, most “together” women I have ever had the chance to brush posts with, and you are changing my reactions to life and death.

    Steve’s murder haunts me every day. As I’ve told you, I light candles for you, Steve, and Coco every night because I want to do SOMETHING and don’t know what else to do. There have been four deaths in my circle this past fall, all the others people I knew well, but somehow Steve’s death and your circumstances have really gotten to me, I think because you are handling it all with such grace and dignity. Every day I think of you and Steve and Coco, and every day I shed some tears. But Coco is coming back to you soon, yes? That will be a wonderful reunion, even if both of you have temporarily had to give up some of your capacities. Both of you will be strong again, and will live to inspire the rest of us to do the same!

    All love to you–

    Margi Ladywolf Wainio

  10. Patrick Fitzgerald
    Patrick Fitzgerald says:

    Yay! Well done. My mom remains cancer free 20 years after her chemo and mastectomy (had a second mastectomy at the first microscopic sign in the other breast and avoided chemo that time around). I just wanted to share a story of someone I know very well who beat this like you are. So happy for this update. Blessings on your further recovery.

  11. Colby Lewis
    Colby Lewis says:


    Sending you always love and light. You are such a part of our lives and make such a wonderful powerful impact. You are deeply loved. long live Lokita.


  12. Paul Mann
    Paul Mann says:

    Lokita, so great to read your statement that you are finally cancer free…may that be true and at least that dark and scary chapter of your life be over! Funny, I could imagine Steve exclaiming “long live Lokita!” In only the way Steve would with a solemn look, sure voice and big loving smile. You are amazing and beautiful! ❤️

  13. Lourdes
    Lourdes says:

    You are an amazing Shakti, Goddess! Long live Lokita and thank you for living and being an example of being present in Every moment no matter how difficult or painful. Sending love your way. I’m so happy to hear that Coco will be with you soon.

  14. Samvada
    Samvada says:

    Such good news Lokita. No cancer found anywhere else and knowing that Coco will be with you soon!
    We can’t change the circumstance but sure can our attitude, so beautiful how you shared this going into surgery. I hope to share many a cuppa with you and laughing about the old times on Mango Road living in a tent, having a kitchen shed, outside shower….
    Lots and lots of love to Coco and you and all the beautiful angels in spirit and in person looking after you.

  15. Michele
    Michele says:

    Sweet Lokita!
    Love IS the most powerful healing force in the world! Perfect quote from Osho & for both you & Coco.
    Long Live Lokita & Coco! So happy you both shall be reunited soon. We continue to send you loving, healing energy.
    Love, Michele, Charlie & our Maine Coon, Bushmann xoxo

  16. Wahila Wilkie
    Wahila Wilkie says:

    Long Live Lokita! I hear Steve chuckling with delight as we take up this anthem! I too long to offer you moments of comfort and joy. You remain as always an inspiration. Long Live Lokita!!!

  17. Dawn
    Dawn says:

    So glad that your surgery is complete and that you can now focus on total healing. Sending love and light your way! Long Live Lokita!!! 💕☀️🙏🌈💖

  18. Jeannine Grizzard
    Jeannine Grizzard says:

    Oh, Lokita, Jim Fritz and I are so happy to hear you have come through the surgery well. We got your previous post while on holiday in Hawaii and check everyday after your surgery to see if there was an update. We also did a prayer together at 11:30 your time. We want to know more about how you are being cared for. Is someone living with you? Do you have friends who stop over often? Make meals? If you feel able, please share more about your support system. We are very relieved to join in the shout: “Long Live Lokita!”

    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      Thanks for your comment. I have many things to share and will do that once I have some more time and space to write. Love to you and Jim <3

  19. Dilly
    Dilly says:

    Well done ma chere Lokita and yes a positive attitude is the key to your healing process. It “cured” me of my breast cancer….Bless you! Lovexx

  20. Amy
    Amy says:

    Long Live Lokita… may you be around on this wonky planet as a gift and reminder that Love Always Wins… sending so much love to you precious lady…

  21. Kim
    Kim says:

    Oceans of sweet healing love healing and cradling you now and on into your powerful and beautiful medicine walk…

  22. linda zimmerman
    linda zimmerman says:

    So glad you can continue to move forward towards recovery…been anxiously awaiting this post. Let the healing continue in all aspects of your life and being. REJOICE!

  23. Lucia & Laurent
    Lucia & Laurent says:

    Long live Lokita and Coco! Thank you for being an inspiration and bringing hope to many.Much love to you Lokita Carter.

    AVA KENNEDY says:

    I’m so relieved that the operation went so well. In this most difficult of times, you’re truly showing what ecstatic life is, in a real and honest way. Thanks for that gift. And somehow, I don’t think your life with Steve is over. Do you? Really? Loving you more each day, lovely long-living Lokita.

  25. Gayla
    Gayla says:

    Lokita, I’m awed by your courage and willingness to heal and be conscious. I wish you the very best. Your spirit is beyond beautiful!!!

  26. Viola
    Viola says:

    Guten morgen Lokita,
    Wie so wunderbar gut es tut von deinem Erlebnis zu lesen.
    In all dem Schrecklichen ist Platz zum Heilen und Erwachen, immer wieder

  27. Mari
    Mari says:

    You are such an inspiration my sweet friend teacher and Tantra sister. I love you dearly and wish u loads of healing and more funny movies. My fav dumb n dumber and bridesmaids or any things with McCarthy in it

  28. Melantha Bobrick
    Melantha Bobrick says:

    Long Live Lokita! You are divine inspiration! Thank You for sharing! Long Live Lokita! with love and healing light and sweetness.

  29. Sue Tobias
    Sue Tobias says:

    You look so adorable in your photo- to see you smiling is truly inspirational! Long Live Lokita! And I’m so happy that Coco will soon be by your side – long live Coco!

    So much love, Sue

  30. Mike and Diana - Bermuda
    Mike and Diana - Bermuda says:

    We are thinking of you often, knowing what you are going through and what you and Steve gave us here. If you get the chance,l come and see us and relax. much love, Mike and Diana

    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      Oh, how nice to hear from you! I would love to come and visit. Let me see what’s possible. Sending love to my friends Mike & Diana <3 Remember our lovely dinner?

  31. Rajyo
    Rajyo says:

    Dear Lokita, you beautiful bold and brilliant Goddess. Yay for you that you went in and came out conscious and are dedicated to healing and living long and healthy, and most of all that you have clear margins, and no lymph node affect. You did better than me, and I am still here to tell the tale. and so will you be! I celebrate you and your healing and am here for you in any way I can be. Sending you much love sweet sister..

  32. Elana Vollen
    Elana Vollen says:

    You have always been a spiritual teacher, Lokita. But in the last 3 months – you have become one of the most profound, empowered spiritual teachers ever. Thank you for your strength. For your teachings…Sending you so much love, light, and strength.


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