My husband was killed.

Monday evening Steve did not come home from his walk with Coco, our beautiful red Doberman. Maybe he went directly to the meditation at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, I thought. He had texted me, though, that he would pick me up. I tried to call and text him but there was no reply.

Because of my chemotherapy treatment, I get tired early, and went to bed. I awoke at 3am and he was not there, next to me. I looked out the window, and our car was not there. The parking bay was eerily empty. I tried to call him but his phone was off. Maybe he got in an accident, I thought and looked up the police report website. Nothing. Then came the knock on the door. Is Mrs Carter available, please?

In front of me I saw what must be one of most people’s worst nightmares – four serious looking police officers at 3.45am at your front door. Are you Mrs Carter?

We are so sorry to inform you, Mrs Carter, that your husband Steve was found shot dead on a nearby hiking trail. Your dog was also shot multiple times but is expected to make a full recovery. Your car has disappeared. We are so sorry, and we have some questions for you.

Perfectly formed sentences cannot adequately describe the past 72 or so hours. Here are some random words:

DISBELIEF SURREAL DEVASTATING SHATTERED RAGE HEARTBROKEN PAIN CATHARSIS HELL-FIRE DESPAIR GRIEF REVENGE SADNESS LOSS DARKNESS TRAGEDY TEARS WAILS EXHAUSTION SORROW LONELINESS PAIN PAIN PAIN PRESENCE ANGUISH QUESTIONS DEAD SORROW

On Wednesday morning, friends visited. They told me that they left some flowers at the place where Steve was killed. MELTDOWN. But I had to go, too.

We printed a photo and made a little shrine there on the path. I sat down on the earth, and entered into sacred space with Steve. In the background, my precious friend Om recited the Phowa ritual, as Steve’s disembodied presence and I meditated together on the light and his soul, his spirit, ascending his body.

After that, I felt a little better. And since then, many people have come to the shrine, to hold vigil, to honor Steve, to bring flowers.

Then the car was tracked, the suspects arrested, the weapon found. Turns out the same three suspects are now going to be charged for a murder that took place a few days earlier of a young Canadian woman in San Francisco, as well.

Two days ago I spent one hour alone with him – his body – in the morgue. Death really is but one breath away. The veil between life and death is just that thin. I kept looking at his face, waiting for him to open his eyes. His beautiful blue shining eyes. But no, they did not open. He was gone. The man we knew as Steve Carter was no longer in the body I saw in front of me. I did a heart salutation for him, honoring his body, knowing his spirit was already in the light.

The pain is excruciating, and the having to let go of him in the physical manifestation that has been part of my everyday life for the past 17 years is simply unbearable. I have literally become PAIN.

Life will go on, yes, and time heals all wounds, yes, but right now it is excruciating. The tsunamis of pain and sorrow pounding on me. The memories and reminders. The mental images of how he may have felt when he was attacked.

Why did I not go to the beach with him instead, like he had wanted? Why? Why? WHY? This puzzle will never be solved. Can you imagine the challenge this poses on me as a meditator, to stay in the here and now?

And among all this I am still dealing with the breast cancer and the treatment. Yeah, we could have almost forgotten that! I feel so tired, empty and heavy inside. Eating and swallowing is torturous for me. But I have to eat to fuel my body for chemo and for survival. One fork-full for Steve, one fork-full for Bebe, one fork-full for Coco…. that’s the basic level I am at right now.

My next chemo infusion is scheduled for this coming Thursday. It is the first of 12 weekly ones.

How will I get through this?

There is an incredibly outpouring of support from the community at large, and I am realizing just how much Steve and I are loved by thousands of people, how our life’s work grew so much bigger than we had known. My family and friends are my islands in the stormy seas, and the collective grief is simply staggering. Somehow, all this is helping me to stay present, to stay alive, to hold me up at this time when I simply just want to disappear, vanish. That’s how I will get through this.

One breath at a time.

My heart goes out especially to my families – my two step-children Em and Rob, and their partners; my two brothers in law and sister-in-law and their children; and my own family – my sister and her partner, my niece and nephew, and my dad. We are all in deep mourning and disbelief together.

For some more facts – Coco will be in the animal hospital for some time. I may be able to visit her soon. There will be a private cremation ceremony for our family and closest friends this coming week. Details about public memorial services will be announced soon.

215 replies
    • Zoe
      Zoe says:

      my husband & I took one of your workshops a few years ago, and have been thoroughly shaken by this tragedy. We remember Steve as a gentle loving soul and your relationship as deeply loving. It is truly my worst fear to lose my beloved, and my heart is with you in the deepest sisterhood possible. Thank you for sharing your truth, we are all walking with you.

      Reply
    • Arjuna Fox
      Arjuna Fox says:

      Love to you and your family healing i could only imagine i send prayers from myself and the Archangle Michael Namaste. Arjuna Fox

      Reply
    • In the circle
      In the circle says:

      Ever since we heard the news on Tuesday you and your husband have been in our thoughts and prayers. We don’t know you, but I hope our prayers feel familiar.

      Reply
  1. Janet Carlson
    Janet Carlson says:

    My heart cries tears for you, Lokita, for your family and friends…there are no words…may your memories bring you comfort, may your heart heal, and may you find the strength thru chemo to live…
    May your heart go on…

    Reply
  2. Ann S
    Ann S says:

    May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and until you meet with your loved one again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand. Prayers for your physical and emotional recovery, namaste ….

    Reply
  3. Gayla
    Gayla says:

    I cannot imagine how profound your grief is, Lokita. I share your rage, disbelief, heart shatteredness, and understand the potency and the deep beauty in the aching loss and longing you feel. I have felt that in my own profound way. Someone may have senselessly and stupidly taken his physical life and his time on Earth may be done, but his love, care, protection, guidance, and partnership are deeply with you. It isn’t the same as the reality of his beautiful presence and it is still very real, very near, very constant. People can steal the very breath from us but they cannot steal the light or the love. You have permission to do the very deepest grieving and will be held by all that is and a very amazing and precious community you and Steve helped to foster and reveal, to uncover. The magnificence of your love is eternal and beloved and cannot be broken. The penetrating shock can be allowed to run its course and you will be freed of its reverberations. Everything in love and in life is available to surely dissolve the broken heartedness and bring relief, connection, and communion. I’m deeply and tenderly here with you in this sorrow and in its many movements towards the loving way your beloved would want for you to know life and health and peace and beauty and love. This is just a meager attempt to meet you in these moments of shatteredness. Please forgive any unskillfullness on my part. Sending you the greatest love and kindness.

    Reply
    • Lauri
      Lauri says:

      Lokita, I could not say it better than Gayla. I am sending you all my best thoughts and prayers. Our “earth life” is only a blink long. You still have Steve in the “forever life”. He’s waiting for you, but it’s not yet your time to join him.

      Reply
  4. Pamalah MacNeily
    Pamalah MacNeily says:

    I cannot imagine the exent of your pain. My husband and I were deeply enriched with the work you and Steve have offered. The closeness, the love, the compassion, the joy you shared, the intimacy you two shared.. all very inspiring.
    And during this most difficult time for you.
    I live in San Geronimo Valley. I can offer my friendship and caring.
    We welcome you to our Valley.

    Reply
  5. Arry Murphey
    Arry Murphey says:

    Lokita,
    You and Steve are loved; you mean so much to so many of us.
    We are all here grieving with you and you are not alone as we, your students, are enveloping you with our love. I am so sad that you have lost your beloved Steve, I have never known two people more dedicated to one another, more loving to one another than you two. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. All I have to offer is my heartfelt care for your well being.

    Love you Lokita.

    Reply
  6. Kelley martel
    Kelley martel says:

    Hi. I don’t know you tho you look familiar snd so does he:) I have to say that it is strong and beautuful that you had the spiritual will to post this:)❤️Thank you .
    The whole thing has impacted me for sure
    And it is truly a testony of the sickness that has struck humanity. You two seem to be on a deep quest to connect other humans with connection and the ❤️And the depth that we can go .. That is the focus!❤️Thank you . If you ever down the road want w massage, I gift you one❤️-kelleymassage.com
    ☀️Kelley

    Reply
  7. Leanne
    Leanne says:

    Greg and I send love and light to you and Steve, We have been doing so for days. You have both been such amazing teachers and inspiration we love and appreciate all you are in your exoansiveness, and in your pain.
    Leanne x

    Reply
  8. Veevala
    Veevala says:

    Dear Lokita,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I have only heard of you and Steve via Tantra class posts, and I always said to myself, one day I wouod like to take a class with the Carters – because I could tell you have beautiful energy, and also a stellar reputation as loving, wonderful teachers. And even beyond thst, the live that you and your husband create/emanate was and is very apparent, vibrationally. So from someone who considers myself a friend and admirer albeit we’ve never met, may you be held deeply and fully in the Heart of God/dess. What can anyone say, besides Thank You to you and Steve for clearly modeling creative, tantric, devotion and monogamous Love for us. I feel absolutely tgat yours and your husband’s great hearts CONTINUE to add more Kindness, Sensitivity, Depth, Ceoebration and Joy to the world.

    Reply
  9. Andrew and Sydney
    Andrew and Sydney says:

    So very sorry. This breaks our hearts. We feel so much love, gratitude and loss for you and Steve. We have been following the news of this and wondering how you are coping. Thank you for sharing your thoughts-‘I just dont know how you have the strength but you are remarkable, and loved. As Steve taight us-we are rubbing our hands and sending love your way.

    Reply
  10. Jenn
    Jenn says:

    Dear Lokita, you are in my thoughts hourly, daily. Thank you for naming all the raw emotions. Know you are held, loved, not alone.

    Reply
  11. Karuna
    Karuna says:

    Thank you for the beautiful words of loss, grief and great love. I am shocked and saddened by the murder of Steve, and uplifted by your knowing that his spirit is in the light. I hold both you and Steve’s spirit in my prayers and heart. Much LOVE to you both.

    Reply
  12. Trish
    Trish says:

    The disbelief and grief that I experienced when I read and reread many times the first announcement of this tragic moment. The moment that has changed every moment from here to a direction I could not imagine to have to live. I cannot fathom your pain. I hope in your breath you take in the healing loving energy being sent your way from across the globe. My partner Mitchell and I had the pleasure of attending a retreat at Omega in 2014. He said it was the most moving and real experience he had ever had, I left admiring your connection and deep intertwined energy. You shared an energy that was deeper than just this journey, he is with you as you know. Be strong for the both of you find strength in the love you have put into the universe together. It is flowing back to you in every breath you take. Our deepest tearful condolences to you and yours.

    Reply
  13. Mellissa
    Mellissa says:

    LokitaMa, thank you for sharing your experience. Your experience is important and so are you. I witness and appreciate your presence and generosity in sharing even now. I’m sending Love and strong intentions that you be carried through this as gently as possible.

    Reply
  14. Shirley Gassner
    Shirley Gassner says:

    Steve and you have helped so many people open their hearts. Steve will always be in your heart. I loved his easy laugh and openness with people. I hope you are getting massage, water massage, and dancing when you have the strength. Love you, Shirley Gassner from Seattle

    Reply
  15. Laz Daka
    Laz Daka says:

    Lokita,
    I have not had the honor of meeting you, However I have been influenced by your teaching and connection with Steve. You both have brought more love into this world. The influence of the love you and Steve shared has carried onward to many of us you may never meet. May a community of a thousand arms hold you through this time.
    Love and Blessings,
    Laz Daka

    Reply
  16. Kamala Shalini
    Kamala Shalini says:

    Lokita Beloved, I love you. I have been following in silence what happened, shocked by the senseless tragedy. My heart is so very sad about Steve and feeling your pain…the wave of love that his loss created is divine love made manifest. I hold you in my heart and send prayers and healing love to you. Namaste’ beautiful sister, your light and courage is so touching….love love love love love love love to you.

    Reply
  17. Jen
    Jen says:

    Lokita, your grief and anguish are unimaginable. I am with you, seeing you, holding you in the light as you suffer through this and learn to navigate every single moment. Sending much love to you, to Steve, to your entire community.

    Reply
  18. Janu Mascha
    Janu Mascha says:

    Dear Lokita. iam so sorry to hear bout your loss of your beloved,that must be such a shock.
    At the same time i am so deeply touched by your sharing and strengh and willingness to face this intense situation,.Life gave you a such big one.And to see your ability to really look and feel and be is so beautiful and touching,and i guess will guide you through this.
    I am glad to know that you are surrouned by so much love and support.That is so crucial in a time like this.
    I would love to see you,if you want, and if not that’s totally fine too.
    And if you would like something from Germany,let me know.
    I fly to california in a week.
    Lots of love and light and a big hug
    Janu

    Reply
    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      Janu <3 danke. Koenntest Du mir etwas gutes deutsches Vollkornbrot mitbringen? Und etwas Fleischsalad? Den gibt es in den meisten Laeden im Kuehlschrank. Ich kann Dich irgendwo zum Abholen treffen. Wohne in Fairfax. Wo wirst Du weilen? Waer schoen, Dich zu sehen. Oh Mann, ich wuerde jetzt so gern nach Deutschland zu meiner Familie. Scheisse.

      Reply
  19. Kristal Jensen
    Kristal Jensen says:

    Dear Lokita,

    I grieve with you. Tears are flowing and there is so much pain. I also lost my beloved of 17 years, but this, this is just inconceivable. It is so wrong. My heart is breaking, and I want to cry with you. Please know you are loved, and that there is an abundance of support around you. We will hold you, cradle you through all the pain. Let us now give back to you. Receive the love, there is so much here for you. Let you and Steve’s spirit be basked in love and light.

    Reply
  20. Hans-Georg Stiefel
    Hans-Georg Stiefel says:

    Wie all die Jahre, so bin ich in Gedanken jetzt sehr bei Dir, liebe Lokita, meine Schuelerin damals und Freundin noch heute. Werde Du selbst und Dein Koerper wieder gesund, damit Deine Seele Lust und Freude hat, darin zu wohnen und die Einheit allen Seins spuert.

    Reply
  21. Karen & Frederic Baudry
    Karen & Frederic Baudry says:

    Dear Lokita,

    We were so saddened to hear about Steve. If it wasn’t for him Frederic and I would have never met. A connection that changed my life in a new and wonderful direction. I have been and will always be grateful to Steve and will keep him in my heart and remember him with fondness.

    Your letter was so touching. Our heart and prayers go out to you at this sad time of loss.

    With All Our Love,
    Karen & Frederic

    Je t’aime Lokita
    J’aime Steve
    You are always inside my heart and you will be always
    Death is just a new beginning
    Never let the sadness break the bridge of Love between you and Steve
    between you and the whole Universe
    OM ALL IS ONE
    Frederic

    Reply
  22. Hilary Roberts
    Hilary Roberts says:

    I am so sorry for your loss I know what you are going through at least you have faith.I am lost I find it hard to believe that we go to a better place when we die I dont really have anyone here for me I grieve alone for my 2 sons who died a week apart in in November 2014 If it helps it does get easier but our hearts never heal Xx

    Reply
    • Mandie
      Mandie says:

      Hilary Roberts,
      I don’t know if this will help or if you’ll believe me, but I will still give it a try.
      I met a young lady in San Diego and we bonded immediately, she was so lovely. Her name was Rebecca, but I called her, Becca. She once told me of her misfortune, she was in a horrible car accident, thrown out the back window of the car, to land on the pavement by the car. Her friends got out and ran because the car was going to explode. There lies Becca, her friends running by her, they stopped, looked down at her and figured she was dead and kept running. She wasn’t dead and as she awoke she realized she needed to get away from the car and with all her strength she pulled herself across the pavement as the car exploded. Soon the ambulance was there and on her way to the hospital Becca died. They kept trying to revive her all the way to the hospital and inside the emergency room with no luck, but after 20 mins. of being legit dead, Becca was revived. She told me that when she passed she did not see the light, but even better, she felt nothing but Peace,and Live. There was no such thing as judgement, hatred or jealousy, it was just love every where and no pain, none. She made it back, but unfortunately the injuries from this accident were very hard to recover from, mentally and physically. She passed away about 7-8 years later at the age of 38 and this time I knew she wasn’t coming back, she wanted so bad to be free of the pain and endure the love that comes after death.
      I hope in some way this might help you, if it doesn’t and I’ve offended you in any way, my apologies. I only wanted to help you with this story (True Story) of my friends experience. I’m so sorry for your loss, I have 4 sons and can’t imagine the heartache you’ve endured.
      I hope this helped.
      Mandie

      Reply
  23. Viola
    Viola says:

    lienste Lokita,
    Ich kann es nicht fassen. Er war ein so wunderbarer Mensch. Wenn ich sein Foto betrachte, erwachen Erinnerungen an seine Warmherzigkeit, seinen Humor/ Witz und die Freundlichkeit, die mich berührtten und begleiteten obwohl ich iihn nur für ein kleine Weile begegnete.
    Und, mein tiefstes empfinden für dich, liebe Lokita. Als wäre das Leben für dich nicht schwer genug, nun hast du auch noch den liebsten Menschen an deiner Seite, eine deiner größten stützen, verloren. Ich fühle für dich.

    Reply
  24. Susie Rose Watson
    Susie Rose Watson says:

    Dear Lokta, my heart is with you….I am whaling with you. I remember the bright light that shined in your eyes when you two met! And what a wonderful match! Your writing is beautiful, thank you for sharing all your emotions, as horrific as Stevie’s death is, I know all the pain, laughter and exhaustion and bargaining and the feeling of each each every emotion that comes is the stepping stone towards life. I am so glad you spent time with his body in the morgue, I know how important has been for me with those who I have have lost. I am visualizing putting flowers on his body for his cremation.
    I wish I could float you in the warm water of the heart pool….I will send you love. Susie-Rose

    Reply
  25. Edward
    Edward says:

    Your loss is shocking, sad and debilitating. Rise up and heal yourself from the love of family, friends and the folks that you do not know but care about you. Relish Steve’s spirit and the combined joy and love of your matrimony. We are shedding tears for your loss and praying for your relief.

    Reply
  26. Liz Baughman
    Liz Baughman says:

    Lokita know that you are loved far and wide. All the love you and Steve poured out to all of us for so many years is within us to direct back at you. We hold you up in love and light at this time and always. The loss of Steve is beyond words. Our love for you a brilliant star in the sky. Take in all the love you so deserve and thank you for being the light even in your darkest moments. Thank you for all you have given all of us and continue to give ❤️. Sending love and light

    Reply
  27. Divyo Putney
    Divyo Putney says:

    My heart aches for you..my love surrounds you, I embrace you..a wise man comforted me when I went through a long period of greiving..his words Now you go in search of “That Which Never Dies.”..I finally discovered it & it is always present.Love & healings for your body & soul..I will meditate for you & Steve..Love & Light Divyo

    Reply
  28. Prahas
    Prahas says:

    The ripples of Love which emanate from your work continue to flow outwards, touching people near and far. Osho, from beyond the beyond, shines His light upon you. Keep breathing, keep remembering His teachings — now is when the rubber meets the road. I have heard him say moments of intense grief, moments of shock, are tremendous opportunities for awakening: to see you are not the body, you are not the mind, you are not the emotions, but rather, you are the witness, floating free, miles above the 3D world. I too have compassion for your humanness — and so many people have shared love-energy for this aspect of you. And — you are a sannyasin. You are a teacher, a transformer, carrying the light of the Beloved into this world, this dark, violent world, this world so in need of it, thirsty for it. Osho has given us the Supreme Understanding — we are the witness. And Osho has given you the honor of teaching this understanding thru tantra. Use this moment to go beyond. Shared with tremendous Love, Compassion, and Support, –Sw Jivan Prahas

    Reply
  29. komala lyra
    komala lyra says:

    deep love with you both in this path of wonder and mystery that we dance along… words are meaningless at this time… sending you light, love, and more light and love

    Reply
  30. Nitya Lacroix
    Nitya Lacroix says:

    I’m so so sorry for your loss. My love and prayers are with you and with your family and friends. May the power off healing be with you in body, mind and spirit.

    Reply
  31. Sara Firman
    Sara Firman says:

    Lokita, the last time I saw you and Steve was at the temple at Harbin in a yoga class quite a few years back. I don’t think you recognized me, and I was healing my own wounds then so did not properly say hello, but it was a treat to see you both shining together as you always have. Steve had such a light bright spirit. One evening nearly twenty years ago now he floated me when I was training; I have such a strong memory of how at the end he let me float alone and kept vigil at the poolside until I was ready to return – I called his voice and his gentle laughter came back out of the darkness. As I write this, it occurs to me that his voice and presence will keep coming back to you out of the darkness. He will keep vigil for you just as you are for him. Love to you and Coco and all those closest to you now.

    Reply
  32. kat
    kat says:

    made me cry hearing your words.
    I lost a partenr a few years back to MND but we had warning it was coming
    It is still always a shock but nothing compared to the sense of shock you had to face
    I hope your last chat with him was a happy one
    I’m sure he loves you very much and wants you to stay alive and be well
    so do what you can for your cancer and just know you will be together again one day

    Reply
  33. Prana Regina Barrett
    Prana Regina Barrett says:

    You have been in my thoughts & prayers. I am SO glad you feel supported. Your personal strength, & that provided by your inner circle, shines through in this article. May you continue to feel supported & held as you feel & heal. I totally understand how challenging this must be. Sending love & healing.

    Reply
  34. Diane
    Diane says:

    So much love to you Lokita… I am so so sorry…. I had always intended to take a tantra workshop with you and Steve…. His energy is palpable even as an angel…. Big big hugs and love….

    Reply
  35. Lourdes
    Lourdes says:

    Lokita, I m deeply sorry about your heart break, going through chemo; loosing Steve. There are no words to express my deepest condolences❤️ I send you waves of love😘💕❤️

    Reply
  36. Mara Laxmi Ma
    Mara Laxmi Ma says:

    Namaste Lokita – You have been in my heart and mind almost nonstop since I heard. You are deeply beloved by so many whose lives you and Steve touched profoundly. I can honestly say that the first workshop I did with you changed my life, and I am forever grateful to you and Steve – for your teaching, your love, your wisdom, your friendship, your grace and your humor. I cannot get you out of my mind, nor do I want to. I wish there was more I could do or say. I love you. Mara

    Reply
  37. Maureen Kroner
    Maureen Kroner says:

    My dear Lokita, I cannot believe this, I only met the two of you once, at a tantric workshop in CT and yet here I am sobbing as I read this news. The two of you had a deep impact on my life and my marriage. You were mentors to my husband and I and we felt deeply connected to the two of you. You we’re living the dream. I imagined that we too would walk in your footsteps once our kids were grown and out of the nest. I am devastated . . . I am so sorry . . . I cannot imagine the pain.

    Reply
  38. Wesley Swail
    Wesley Swail says:

    Dearest Lokita,
    I am sending you and Steve love and light. My sacred heart acknowledges your sacred pain and holds space for the healing journey that you are on. When the tsunami recedes and the clearing is done, new seeds sprout, flowers grow and life begins anew …

    Reply
  39. Bryna
    Bryna says:

    i am so truly sorry for the shock of such sudden loss that you have had to experience. I to had lost my husband a year and a half ago. But, even though we knew the end was coming one is never prepared for the feelings of emptiness…I read your beautiful thoughts above and knowing that you are a meditator as I am, feel you have at least one tool aside from friends that will help…baby steps, that’s all I can say. Every day was a challenge. I needed something to get out of bed for, I made a decision, that instead of feeling poor me poor me, I needed to do something that would challenge me, make me feel stronger. We all make choices, I could have gone down the long road of doom, with a bottle a night, but there’s no coming back from that. So I signed up for Dailey Method classes….my husband was a meditator for 40 years, a martial artist, a practitioner of yoga and I felt he would of been proud of me. A class with support on all sides, a class with a common goal, to be the best you can be…it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but, I do it EVERY DAY. Hang in there, it is true that time seems to heal all wounds, but we have to find the time spent in away that’s beneficial to us…you will find your way.

    Reply
  40. joy sassoon
    joy sassoon says:

    Dear Lokita, Steve was one of my yoga students for a few weeks ~ I feel deep empathy and love and will hold space for this~ He was a shining star of light. He was open and loving and grateful for all that was~
    Blessings to you and your dog and family ~ Om Shanti ~

    Reply
  41. arupo
    arupo says:

    Dearest Lokita, Such an unbelievable tragedy that a shining light as Steve has been taken away too soon. Appalled too when turning on Portland news with the photo of the two of you there and news of Portland capture of those responsible. What a senseless act! Am so sorry for your loss and know well how especially difficult it is when happening so suddenly. May Osho grace us all in his light. with love, arupo. Joseph,OR

    Reply
  42. Susannah
    Susannah says:

    I didn’t know your husband or you, but I have to reach out to give you whatever strength can be had from a comment from a stranger. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. As a native Marinite, I share the collective disbelief, shock and abject sadness. So much courage and peace being sent your way…

    Reply
  43. John Manoochehri
    John Manoochehri says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. As painful as it must be, and have been to write it, writing so clearly helps so many to understand, share as best they can, contribute compassion, learn, grow. Thank you, and I am very sorry.

    Reply
  44. Thomas Stout
    Thomas Stout says:

    Lokita,
    Somehow, after 2 straight days of crying about Steve, I stopped. Guess I had to go on with life and work and projects. Your words opened up my heart again and I’m all tears once again. So hard to believe he’s gone. So hard to imagine what you went through. Thanks for writing these words that give us a glimpse of what it’s like for you.

    I love you, ich liebe dich, je t’aime, Te amo, te queiro, ya lyublyu tebya, jag älskar dig, feliz suenos!
    Thomas

    Reply
  45. Robert Hall
    Robert Hall says:

    Lokita my wife Karen and I met you and Steve in Middletown when we stayed at your casita several times we also bought your tapes.We found both you and Steve to be warm loving people. I can only express to you my deepest sympathies for your personal loss and the difficulty you are going through. Please know that you are in our thoughts and We will continue to Honor Steve Carter as the man and spirit and the light he brought to this world

    Reply
  46. Mary Bogue
    Mary Bogue says:

    Oh,sweet Lokita. I am so sorry that your journey has had to take this path of pain. I know it, have hiked it against my will and came out the other side, be it years of sleepwalking later. Embrace the memories, wrap them around you and hang on. Sending you healing love and light with the knowingness that he watches from the thin veil of here.

    Much love,
    Mary

    Reply
  47. Susanharp
    Susanharp says:

    We never know why such tragedies happen…and perhaps there are no answerable “why” questions. However, Lokita, God will give you the strenght, a day at a time to deal with this. Life is different for all of us because this happened to Steve, to your family, to you. Hopefully, we will each realize that life is a privilege for as long as we are on this side of it…. Much love surrounds you…. and although you and I do not know each other, we are also connected through your heart to my heart to your heart…

    Reply
  48. Adrienne Asher
    Adrienne Asher says:

    John and I have been in shocked mourning ever since we heard the news Tuesday. We met at one of your retreats. We deepened our practice at others. We married this summer, partially as an outcome of your work. But then, your cancer announcement came…followed by Harbin burning…and now this. Steve was a shining light: joyful and loving. The world’s loss…your loss…is staggering. We both send our love and our profound sympathy.

    May his memory be a blessing.

    Reply
  49. Shema Satya
    Shema Satya says:

    tears tears, so incredibly sad, thank you for inviting us in during this time of such unfathomable grief
    keeping you in my heart space, words seem so inadequate

    Reply
  50. Kelly Ault
    Kelly Ault says:

    Dear Lokita, I worked with you and Steve once, you held one of Margo Anand’s retreats at Pema Osel Ling near Santa Cruz. I was working there and was your onsite event coordinator. I remember both of you so well. I remember you both were very easy to work with, Steve was so kind and gentle, a person who was filled with such joy. It was wonderful getting to know you both a little bit, and to be a small support for the work you were doing. It is so sad and shocking what has happened. My heart goes out to you. I know you don’t know me, and this is such a small insignificant connection. But I wanted you to know that his life and memory reaches far beyond what you may even realize. He is remembered and mourned, and you are in the thoughts and prayers of so very many people, including mine.

    Reply
  51. paloma dakini
    paloma dakini says:

    Blessings to you dear Lokita. My heart feels with you such tragic loss. This world has much benefitted from you both as individuals and as a couple. I am recalling the two of you synergistically teaching, allowing, frustrating, loving…How perfectly human you two were together; for me, your ability to be with your emotions together (the full range of them) was so inspiring! I am forever grateful to have experienced you both teaching…Thank you. I’m feeling with you and sending you warmth, gentleness, and healing. xo

    Reply
  52. Alyssa
    Alyssa says:

    I don’t know you, and perhaps we will never meet, but all my love and light are being sent to you right now. I’m so terribly sorry.

    Reply
  53. Mariah McKenzie
    Mariah McKenzie says:

    Lokita – I tried to write earlier this morning, but I think it disappeared into cyberspace. Am compelled to try again–sorry if it’s a repeat! We first met 17 years ago during SkyDancing Training with Margot. We haven’t seen much of each other since although we did meet again at a SkyDancing reunion. Nevertheless, I have been silently following you guys, so appreciative that you became SkyDancing teachers and founded the Ecstatic Living Institute. Lately to hear of the tragedies that have rocked your world left me projecting how I would feel to be facing all that you are facing right now? I wonder at the strength and love and commitment to Life to be able to reach out and continue to share with amazing courage . . . facing each moment as a Tantrika is wont to do. I tell everyone how in the middle of your devastating circumstance, you close your communication with “Tears of gratitude.”

    Thank you for your presence, for all that you share and for bringing us all back to this moment again and again. In reading your last post I mentally bowed before Steve’s shrine with you, honoring him, humbled in the process imagining if I had been you honoring my own mortal Beloved.

    You are Love. I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss . . . In our SkyDancing tradition, I bow to you too, in this moment: “I honor you as an aspect of Myself.”

    With love and appreciation from a fellow SkyDancer,
    Mariah (aka Mariah)

    Reply
  54. JoAnn Oram
    JoAnn Oram says:

    My heart intention and prayers are and will enfold you as these two journeys continue.

    I am so very sorry for this great lose.

    Reply
  55. Elizabeth Gorek
    Elizabeth Gorek says:

    The horror of this, so random and dark. I think of who these three ‘drifters’ could be and how their souls could be so eclipsed by cold fear.
    Please know that the compassion and love that has been awakened across the globe for you and Steve will be surrounding you and the pure light within you will guide your way on. Love alone will make you fearless…..
    Many Blessings

    Reply
  56. Randy Kingsbury
    Randy Kingsbury says:

    Lokita, I am so saddened to hear about your loss. The work the two of you shared was very special and greatly appreciated.
    I pray you can find peace and healing in the quiet times that lay ahead.
    God bless you and Steve.

    Reply
  57. Annie Millar Desmond
    Annie Millar Desmond says:

    Dear Lokita,
    A good friend who has taken your classes shared your story with me. It is an unthinkable one, one that moves everyone who hears about it with its shocking pain and beauty. I am being cared for by my partner as I undergo treatment for metastatic cancer. This seems like enough. I have no words to meet this knowledge that your beloved partner was taken from you on the physical plane. I resume chemotherapy for the next 3 months with you this Thursday, struggling also to take each bite to keep my body alive with enough calories. You are a Hero. I am heartbroken to hear of your loss and floored by your beauty, openness, and strength. Thanks for being a Light to all who hear of you. Sending love and light to you and your partner as he journeys onward and inward, and to your families and the very many whose lives are touched by you two. Walking with you also on your path of healing, which is now even deeper, unimaginably, than before.
    With love from a stranger/sister,
    Annie

    Reply
  58. linda zimmerman
    linda zimmerman says:

    Dear Lokita,
    Thank you for having the strength to share your authentic self and enormous pain. I am so angry that both Steve and the Canadian woman were taken away from loved ones. I can’t imagine how the young adults who did this could have such little regard for human life; I also can’t understand why the gun that was stolen by them from an unlocked car was there in the first place. We need gun control and we need to become a more compassionate society.
    May the sun shine on you and give you strength…
    Namaste from a fellow Harbin visitor and S.F. resident

    Reply
  59. Barbara Neill
    Barbara Neill says:

    Bless you, Lokita, and bless Steve too. May your pain diminish and allow you to bathe in the joy of the many happy memories of your life together. xx

    Reply
  60. Leslie Rundquist
    Leslie Rundquist says:

    Someone shared this with me during the grieving process, hope it helps. There are just no words. sending love and light.
    “Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

    I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

    As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

    In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

    Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
    Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.” (G. Snow, I think)

    Reply
  61. Lynnya
    Lynnya says:

    Lokita,
    My heart goes out to you with love and strength to move forward moment by moment.
    You have healed many hearts and souls, now let them heal your heart and soul.
    Ten Minute hug to you,
    Lynnya

    Reply
  62. Betsy Russell
    Betsy Russell says:

    Lokita, I have been following your story every day and this entry is just so sad to read. I feel for you, your families, those that know you and your husband, as well as the young girl and her family, no way around it. As I wrote to you via Facebook, though you don’t know me, I am a somewhat well known member of the Fairfax-San Anselmo community and am sincere in helping you with anything you need. This is not an idle offer and I would love to do anything I can to help you get through this unimaginable and unfathomable time.

    Reply
  63. Betsy Russell
    Betsy Russell says:

    PS Thank you for sharing your story, it is quite powerful to read, and courageous for you to reach out to us, as well, during this time.

    Reply
    • Rebecca Velasquez
      Rebecca Velasquez says:

      Lokita, I’m in awe of how you have been facing this crisis! I’m inspired beyond words how present you have been for it all. You have been real, authentic, strong, so strong it’s unbelievable. One breath at a time. I did a workshop in CT with you and Steve years ago and yet I feel close to you both. Fall back on the endless support that you have – I know there are numerous lives you have touched beyond even what you realize. Thank you for bringing us into your process

      Reply
  64. Suzie Heumann
    Suzie Heumann says:

    Dear Lokita,
    Thank you for your transparency. We are all grieving and hungering for your words, so we can feel even more connected to you and your suffering – our suffering. The thing that you wrote that really got me in my gut was a few days ago – the caption on the picture of Steve’s flip-flops – “I can’t bring myself to move them”. It sent me into a tail spin of grief – so visceral – so precious.
    We are Loving you and Holding you and you are in our Prayers and Hearts. I am not far away if you need someone to drive you to chemo or sit with you. Really.

    Reply
  65. Caroline Warner
    Caroline Warner says:

    Thank you for writing this down Lokita, for sharing, for letting life and us/others in. I am tracking you and this story like so many others without having met you or Steve, but with a strong connection to that area as a Woodacre resident and trail hiker, not to mention dog lover and naive disbeliever that something like this could happen here. I have sat in ceremony with others and in silence in the location, have been singing songs of passage for Steve that I know from my work singing with others passing in the threshold choir, and working to stay in love and faith instead of fear and anger. May grace find you as you make your way. Deepest bow to you.

    Reply
  66. Matt
    Matt says:

    I was brought to tears with what has happened to your family. I visited Harbin often as a child and recently and was deeply saddened that the fire took it, and now this…. I’ve lost family unexpectedly and know that sort of pain. I’m not sure why the divine challenges us like this. I’m so sorry for your loss

    Reply
  67. Tristan
    Tristan says:

    Sometimes I will never understand this world. I will burn some sage for you and send you good blessings. By Chief George May the stars carry your sadness away. May the flowers fill your heart with beauty. May hope forever wipe away your tears. And, above all, silence make you strong.

    Reply
  68. Maggie Zadikov and Bob Czimbal
    Maggie Zadikov and Bob Czimbal says:

    Bob and I treasure having met you both in our overlapping tantra/Erotic Spiritual Play worlds. We are deeply grieving
    the loss of Steve’s bright spirit. Our love and prayers are with you, Lokita. Feel our support as you navigate this
    difficult period. With love and fond memories of Breitenbush and Harbin.

    Reply
  69. Meric
    Meric says:

    Dear, how strong you are!! I am so proud of how you are managing this journey. I am so touched with your level of perseverance and your will power that I wanted to drop a line. If I was able to come and see you, I would be hugging you now-so tight and whispering you ‘It is all good, dear. It is all good’. A new page is opening now and yet you are going to start this new journey. It might be very difficult at the moment but you did not walk this new path yet. It is going to be full of surprises, a little of obstacles maybe and as always it will be worth it. If you are going to walk this new path, trust me it will be worth it!
    Love you and yes I am hugging you so tight right now. It is all right.

    Reply
  70. pnina Zoharah
    pnina Zoharah says:

    Locita, my heart is with you , I am not in CA now but I was shocked , this is one of the trail that I use to hike all the time,
    I can’t imagine the pain that you are going through , I am so sorry that Steve was murdered ,
    I am happy to see that the community is supporting you , just that you know that many people that are no longer in the Bay area are also praying for you and love you , I am sure that Strive spirit is with you and for that please live live live and heal.
    Love Pnina

    Reply
  71. Diane Tegtmeier
    Diane Tegtmeier says:

    That you can express yourself so poignantly and authentically during this time is a testament to the power of the Love you and Steve shared with each other and all who knew you. One of my life’s blessings is witnessing the two of you demonstrate exercises in Timeless Loving and seeing the light you created together! My heart breaks with you, dear Lokita, and in the breaking feel even more love for you.

    Reply
  72. Elizabeth durney
    Elizabeth durney says:

    Lokita
    I have a new baby and wake up to feed him in the night. The image of Steve springs into my mind and I think of his pain. And then yours. And then I redirect all of my concern for him toward love for you. And for his spirit. I am sending you love and strength to get through this horrible time. I can’t believe this is happening to a couple who has brought me so much love and connection with my husband. You teach people to open their hearts. There is no greater gift. And even in steves passing he continues to. We’re in Germany now. Let us know if we can do anything at all for you.
    Love
    Elizabeth and Panama
    (We met you at a workshop you led at harbin a few years ago)

    Reply
  73. Jocelyn
    Jocelyn says:

    This is an unfathomable pain when it hits us- it comes out of nowhere and feels like it will make us disintegrate from the power of it. My heart breaks for you and all you must bear right now. I don’t pretend to know why human existence contains these kinds of devastating experiences. Maybe we will find out one day when we leave this life. The only comfort I can offer is that it is universal – this kind of suffering – and all the spiritual teachings speak of our reuniting with the essence of those we love so deeply – small comfort right now for you…..I send my deepest love

    Reply
  74. Maria Lindberg
    Maria Lindberg says:

    Lokita,
    Thank you for sharing, our hearts are broken as well and we are in disbelief (and anger). We continue to send you love daily. We are in awe of your strength.
    Namaste,
    Maria and Eric

    Reply
  75. Donna Pezzullo
    Donna Pezzullo says:

    Lokita,
    My heart goes out to you in this time of great trial. You and Steve are part of my heart’s journey. John and I will always cherish the lessons of love you bravely shared in joy and spirit. I can’t even imagine the depth of grief you are feeling. Big hugs from afar and know that you have touched many and that love and support now comes back to you. I am sooooo sorry for your loss.
    Love,
    Donna

    Reply
  76. Rachila (Judy Smith)
    Rachila (Judy Smith) says:

    Entry#2 (#1 in “I am not My Body cancer” blog, discovered before this one.)
    Dear Lokita,
    Thank you for sharing so transparently & courageously in the midst of all the emotions & grief & pain flowing through your being.
    Steve’s spirit of light & love lives on in all the lives you’ve both touched.
    Listening to the body/spirit was my path when my father passed a year ago,was amazed at the transformation of “my” body; spontaneous full fasting for 3 days, then cold press juices for some time, then very clean diet for some months. Lost 10 #(which “I” didnt think I needed to lose). Directed to clothes very different than usual wardrobe, which was too large. Mostly stayed at home for a month or more, except for healing sessions, friend brought me some groceries when needed.Just kept following as led by body/spirit.
    May this be helpful to you if so led by Spirit.
    Love & Light surrounding you as you are being present with all the emotions & grief.
    You are so Loved.

    Reply
  77. Barbara
    Barbara says:

    lokita,
    I too lost my partner suddenly in the midst of breast cancer 10 years ago. Ironically, it was at a workshop in Harbin with you and Steve some years later that I had tremendous healing. Thank you–I have always held the two of you in the highest esteem and have been heartbroken like the rest of the community. Most profoundly for you.

    There are no words that will get you through this. I pray that as in my experience, grace and love will carry you through. A dear friend of mine who had lost all of her family in a car accident shared with me a pearl that has been my guide through grief. She said that whenever the missing became too much, she would literally change the channel and shift from the missing to actively sending them love. I found this enormously helpful – – to experience that aliveness of our love through the veil of death. Not as an idea, but as living truth. Love never dies.

    Holding you close in my heart, Barbara

    Reply
  78. Jodie
    Jodie says:

    Dear Lokita…

    I live in Woodacre. I don’t know you but I can tell you this I’m growing to love you. You are a beautiful person and I am learning your darling Steve was as well. Our family and our friends will hold you in our hearts to help get you through this some how. Please ask for help if you need it. I am in process and hope to retire. I could take you to appointments, run errands. I as treated for beast cancer in Marin in 2008. Many blessings Lokita.

    Reply
  79. Johanina Wikoff
    Johanina Wikoff says:

    Dear Lokita, You and Steve are in my heart, prayers and kind thoughts. I am so sorry for this inconceivable loss of such a precious human life.
    Johanina

    Reply
  80. Heather Gregory
    Heather Gregory says:

    My deepest condolences from an unknown new friend, from Boston, MA, who just today discovered you and your husband’s work and mission while reading a recent “Lines of Beauty” blog that I follow. Wanted you to know, that your shock and sadness and loss, is being felt far and wide. May you find Peace in the days and weeks that lie ahead on this new, and unexpected journey.

    Reply
  81. Chris Englund
    Chris Englund says:

    Deerest Lokita,
    We’re soon going to LET2. It will be a bittersweet time for us, but Steve’s bottom line teaching and example is Ecstatic Living.
    Infinite Love!

    Reply
  82. Lisa Sims
    Lisa Sims says:

    Have you read Martin Prechtel’s new book called “The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise”? He has such a beautiful way of viewing grief! He says, “Grief is praise of those we have lost…..Grieving is how we praise the dead, by praising that which has left us feeling cold and left behind. By the event of our uncontrolled grief, wail and rap, we are also simultaneously praising with all our hearts the life that gave us the health and opportunity of having lived fully enough to love deep enough to feel the loss we now grieve. To NOT grieve is a violence to the Divine and our own hearts….if we do not grieve what we miss, we are not praising what we love. We are not praising the life we have been given in order to love. If we do not praise whom we miss, we are ourselves in some way dead. So grief and praise make us alive.” Blessings to you in your healing. <3 <3 <3

    Reply
  83. Anthony Cianciolo
    Anthony Cianciolo says:

    My sweet Lokita … I love you and I am in complete shock over this news about Steve. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through and how you are dealing with his loss. I am here for you and please let me know if I can do anything for you. You and your family are in my prayers. Blessings -Anthony

    Reply
  84. Gaby
    Gaby says:

    Liebe Lokita,

    es tut mir so so so leid, von deinem Verlust zu hoeren! Mein Herz ist bei Dir und ich sende dir und Steve all meine Liebe.
    Herzlich, Gaby aus Noosa

    Reply
  85. Jenny
    Jenny says:

    i am so sorry for this horror that you are faced with. I hope you have the loving embrace of many who love you as you navigate this terribly challenging time. You will be in my thoughts

    Reply
  86. Lisa
    Lisa says:

    I applaud your courage and send you my deepest and sincerest condolences.
    I wish I was near you because I would do anything to try and help. Big hugs.

    Reply
  87. premo
    premo says:

    Beloved Lokita, if words that can give a body to the love I would love to send to you, i would just ask them to sit by you and be ready to hold you when you need to be held, and be ready to listen when you need to wail, and be ready to just be there when even a whisper is overwhelming…
    Love, Premo

    Reply
    • Babette
      Babette says:

      I am deeply sorry for what happened to your husband and doggie. I don’t know you. Thank you for sharing your sadness and pain with us. I don’t know what to say. I have no words of comfort ecxept Jesus loves you. Much
      love to You.

      Reply
  88. Lisa Schrader
    Lisa Schrader says:

    thank you for letting us in lokita. you have been in my heart everyday since i heard this awful tragic news. i remember so fondly the time you and steve spent with us in our home…so many years ago. i have always had deep respect for you both. know that i am sending you love and praying for you during this devastating time.

    Reply
  89. Samvada
    Samvada says:

    Lokita, tears are just rolling down my face and I cannot even fathom a little bit of what you are going through right now. Holding space, lighting a candle for Steve and taking one breath at a time. Lots of love, Samvada

    Reply
  90. Linda
    Linda says:

    Please let me offer my love. I have so much to give. Please let it infuse you with peace, even for just one small moment. You are loved by many. You are surrounded by love.

    Reply
  91. kaz
    kaz says:

    Hi Lovely Goddess Lokita

    Your student and Aussie girlfriend Kaz here, sending you soooo much love. Yours and Steve’s teachings
    had me leaving Harbin each time we were together, with a big smile on my heart – thank you for the good times,
    I’ll always treasure those moments.
    I’m in down town Fairfax, call upon me anytime for your hair needs. I would be honored to care for you.
    Hugs and so much love x Kaz

    Reply
  92. Nancy Casey
    Nancy Casey says:

    Dearest Lokita, Steve’s laughter, sense of humor and love of teaching live on in my heart, even as tears fall from my disbelieving eyes. I send you loving Namaste energy and feel gratitude for the time Darrell and I shared with both of you.

    I am glad you can feel his spirit. I know it is touching you as you struggle to find the will to want to live and recover. I remember a line from a song,”Nothing that is real is ever gone.” Our bodies seem real but I have learned (as you have shared) that I am not my body. And Steve’s spirit is present within you as he is within each of his students who remember and practice Tantra.

    We are sending you a small token of our gratitude . Blessings with peace, love and healing, Nancy and Darrell Casey

    Reply
  93. Sara Biewen
    Sara Biewen says:

    My husband was killed…
    …only begins to tell the story.
    My husband: in spite of many challenges, you two have chosen marriage, commitment and are like Padmasambhava and Yeshe Tsogyal, the embodied Shakti and Shiva, who fit together like peanut butter and jelly. Your friend, your lover, your inspiration, your burr in your bottom and all of what Steve was in your life.
    Was: it’s hard to believe that’s past tense. What will time heal, what will time present? Steve is ever present in our hearts with all the lives he’s touched.
    Killed: senseless and tragic. How can a man that has walked so consistently in the light come to this dark end? This week when I meditated I saw Steve in the light, very peaceful.

    Lokita, I grieve with you.

    Love,
    Sara

    Reply
  94. Mary
    Mary says:

    I’m a friend/coworker of Nicole’s and I just want you and your extended family to know how very sorry I am for the horrendous event that happened to you all. I look at his picture and see kindness and joy. I’m so sorry that this was taken away from all of you. May peace fill your hearts again.
    Mary

    Reply
  95. Suzanne
    Suzanne says:

    Dearest Lokita, I join with the hundreds around you who are so deeply sorry for such a pounding terrible loss. There are simply no words for this horrible tragedy in our beloved little Fairfax town. Why this why you why now!?! The grief anger frustration deep deep heart sadness is present on our very air. I went to Steve’s altar yesterday and honored his life. And though I have never met either of you I have known of you for years through your teaching at Harbin and wish i had Ctuallybeen part of your student community. Just recently I even said, as soon as our young son is old enough we must go do a workshop with the Carters. And then Harbin and then this. The grief is immense. On behalf on my own family and our entire community we send you as much love as you need, to travel through this unfathomly tough time. May you be held deeply in the arms of angels everywhere. Love, Suzanne

    Reply
  96. Alejandro
    Alejandro says:

    Please don’t torture yourself about the beach. Not only will it not do any good, but Steve would also be pained to know you are agonizing over that. Try not to. I know, easier said than done, but you need to hear it anyway. <3.

    Reply
  97. Lynn Abate-Johnson
    Lynn Abate-Johnson says:

    Unimaginable and yet, you somehow are able to share your experience with all of us in such a profound way, which is touching, and has me sending so much light and love to you and to Steve’s soul, and to your families, including Coco. We have never met, but i think we have friends in common, and so, our world becomes smaller, and more love-filled. Take care. I know the cancer journey first-hand, and you will get through this, somehow. Hugs from Sonoma Valley.

    Reply
  98. Lee Rosenstein
    Lee Rosenstein says:

    I don’t know you but I also feel a great loss and once again the true preciousness and vulnerability of this life. I cannot begin to fathom the pain you are going through although there is much grief in my heart. Yet I have come to realize that although we are mortal in these bodies, we are immortal in our true bodies, in spirit. It sounds like you and Steve have been living in spirit for a long time and therefore have touched so many people with your love. Grieve and I will grieve with you, but know that Steve is close at hand, a breath away, waiting for you to whisper hello!

    Reply
  99. Ru & Kishori
    Ru & Kishori says:

    Dearest Lokita, we are so profoundly sorry to hear of your loss and our hearts are heavy at the thought of your unimaginable pain & grief. Sending much love to you, your family & Coco.. Bless her, may she have all the care she needs & a speedy recovery. 💜💗💜

    Reply
  100. Melissa
    Melissa says:

    I’ve never met you but my heart aches for you. It’s really not fair and I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope your sweet love is giving you signs. Big hugs to you.

    Reply
  101. Jeremy Pearl
    Jeremy Pearl says:

    Sending you and your family so much love and light, Lokita. We are all holding you up.. every day, every hour. You are Brave and Beautiful beyond words, and yes, together with Steve you touched thousands of lives and made/make the world a better place.

    xo

    Reply
  102. Helen
    Helen says:

    Dear Lokita, Words can’t even begin to express how sad I am about what has happened and about everything that you are facing. You have been such an amazing teacher and mentor to me over the few years that I’ve known you, and through your strength and your blog you continue in those roles. I’m sending so,so much love your way, keeping you in my heart. Helen

    Reply
  103. JP Pizzino
    JP Pizzino says:

    Dearest Lokita, Tom and I are sending more condolences. Thank you for sharing this tremendous pain, and your matching courage to face the unfaceable. Please feel free to off-load some of the pain to us. We can pass it on to where it can be transformed to the love energy that everything is made of. Many blessings to you, dear teacher and friend. JP and Tom

    Reply
  104. Virgine
    Virgine says:

    Dear sweet Lokita,
    I am so so sorry to hear about what happened. Words can not describe. I remembered being introduced to you and Steve by Margot many years ago.
    I would love to offer you my services for free. I am An EMDR trained psychotherapist. You can find more info about it on my website.
    You are an amazing woman who keeps inspiring others. Much strength to you and your family

    Reply
  105. Greg and Ellen
    Greg and Ellen says:

    Steve perpetually shone with such an aurora of love, it puzzles me with great sadness that these three troubled souls did not recognize his warmth of compassion. He is missed, and now there is a void of his physical presence, but his past work will always be there and these memories will carry on into the future. Our hearts pour out to you with loving kindness through your pain. Much love, Greg and Ellen

    Reply
  106. Ken Kinghorn
    Ken Kinghorn says:

    I read the news at least three times before I could begin to take it in. Then tears. Lokita, you and Steve were and continued from a distance to be such an inspiration after meeting you now over 10 years ago. Steve was in so many ways the man I aspire to be. In the absence of any words which could even begin to make any sense, convey comfort, or articulate my feelings in the way I’d like, I’m sending you both love and light. I and so many are with you.

    Reply
  107. Katya Burton
    Katya Burton says:

    Hi Lokita, I don’t know you, but I live not far from where Audrey Carey was killed in GG Park. Thank you for sharing your story even in the darkest and most painful time of your life. You are surrounded with light and love and support, even from those you don’t know….

    Reply
  108. John Cartwright
    John Cartwright says:

    This is such a crushing tragedy. My father once told me, “when you think you can’t make it another minute, count to sixty and it will be another minute.” I have counted to sixty many times since I got cancer. Please survive–all of this.

    Reply
  109. serafine
    serafine says:

    Hiya Lokita,

    Thanks for sharing your story. I am so deeply saddened by this tragic event. I am sending you light and love, peace and healing energy.

    love,
    serafine

    Reply
  110. Chris Smith
    Chris Smith says:

    Hello, Lokita. My heart goes out to you and all your family. I write for The Press Democrat and days ago I published a short story about a group of women inmates at the Sonoma County jail creating some art work for you. The director of Friends Outside would like very much to get them to you. She is:

    Kate Jenkins, M.A.
    Executive Director
    P.O. Box 3905
    Santa Rosa, CA 95402
    Phone 707-526-7318
    Fax 707-526-5648
    http://www.friendsoutsidesonoma.org

    Here is what I wrote in Sunday’s PD:

    At the Sonoma County Jail on Friday night, 10 women inmates gathered for the voluntary Lotus Project, a program of mindfulness taught by the good people of Friends Outside.

    The instructor at one point asked the inmates to color in a picture of a lotus flower, “holding in your heart someone you want to surround with empathy or compassion.”

    They quickly agreed that one woman was foremost on their minds. They colored the lotuses while imagining Lokita Carter, the Middletown woman whose husband, Steve, was supporting her struggle against breast cancer when he was shot to death and the couple’s dog wounded last week on a Marin hiking trail.

    Kate Jenkins of Friends Outside seeks now to get the lotuses to Lokita.

    My best to you.

    Chris

    Reply
  111. Ginna Lazar
    Ginna Lazar says:

    Dear friend, your words carry me back to the day I lost my love and I wanted to reach out to you; I hope that I do not offend.

    After my love died I could not find a place to sleep afterwards; nothing felt right. I finally found my peace that day in the hospital bed in our room where he last lay. I understand the need to be near that place. I wanted to unzip my skin and step out of it until the pain was gone. The breath was sucked out of me and I couldn’t catch my breath. I was in a dream state for a long time. I remember the punch to the chest the first time that I heard my new social label…widow.

    Please know that you are not alone. You have joined a club that no one wants to ever belong to. We are here; I am here to help you and hear you. Your words and language that you speak will be different now and those who have not shared this journey may have a hard time understanding.

    I do not know you and can only understand the loss; not the violence and assault you your heart.

    My heart, widows heart wanted to say, I am so very, very sorry. I send you love and peace!.

    Reply
  112. Honey Spanjian
    Honey Spanjian says:

    Words cannot express the sorrow of this senseless loss. My heart reaches out to you over time and miles. Holding each and every member of your family and you in the Light of Eternal Love. May your heart and soul find the peace and calm as you move forward in this time of transition.

    Reply
  113. Lisbeth Boger
    Lisbeth Boger says:

    Dearest…
    I am out of the country when this happened and trying everyday to get news. So many tears _ I cannot cannot cannot imagine. Thank you for writing your experiences. You are being held in so much light, and yes, your community is huge and worldwide.
    Peace and light ~~~

    Reply
  114. Aneesha
    Aneesha says:

    Beloved Lokita, We have not seen each other for probably 20 years. I was shocked and sad to hear of Steve’s death. I send you love and healing light, and offer my condolences for your terrible loss.
    With much love, Aneesha

    Reply
  115. Victoria
    Victoria says:

    I am moved by your words and your ability to share in this painful time. I have been following this story from up here in Humboldt, I am a Marin native. I pray there is justice for your loss. Bless you.

    Reply
  116. Bet Muth
    Bet Muth says:

    Dear Lokita,

    Words cannot describe the sadness and disbelief I feel. My heart goes out to you and I just want to hug you and hold your hand.
    I added your names to the Sikh prayer on Friday morning at the Ashram in San Francisco. I continue to pray for Steve’s soul and your recovery. You are an incredibly inspiring presence.

    Much love,
    Bet

    Reply
  117. Michal
    Michal says:

    Hi Lokita,

    I read the story and I can feel your pain and sadness…..
    I wish you an easy journey from now on. May you be Healthy, Happy & Holy soon as possible 🙂

    I would love to read one of your books one day….. …. You really good at that 🙂 BLESS, Michal & Krishna & Riversong 🙂

    Reply
  118. Kimberly
    Kimberly says:

    Dear Lokita, I am so deeply sorry for such a profound loss…I cannot imagine what youre going thru. Steve reached out to me at a time when I well may not have lived were it not for his acknowledgement and care. I pray all theove and healing energy you are being held in propels you through the grief. I too am holding you in light and love.

    Reply
  119. Jill Matthews
    Jill Matthews says:

    Thank you for sharing such a personal story and my prayers go out to you and your husband, your dog and your family.
    It is a startling reminder of what’s important in this day to day living.
    I can imaging the transformation you and all are having now~
    LOVE 🌷LOVE 💕LOVE 🌷LOVE💕

    Reply
  120. Santosha Hintermeier
    Santosha Hintermeier says:

    Dearest Lokita, I do not know you personally but my heart knows you. thank you for your writing and your outpouring.. been incredibly shaken and heartbroken by this terrible event and I am so so sorry for your incredible loss. And your and Steve’s family also… so so incredibly sorry. I am with you and hope that you can find some healing in your heart someday little by little. Sending you so much love… Santosha

    Reply
  121. Jill Ackiron-Moses
    Jill Ackiron-Moses says:

    My deepest condolences to you and your family. My heart is breaking as I read your brave, beautiful and heart wrenching words. May the time you had together bring you some measure of comfort. Sending you love and light.

    Reply
  122. John
    John says:

    Please continue sharing, loving, healing, living, breathing, being, meditating…

    You are the universe.

    Infinite love to you and your family.

    I love you with every atom of the cosmos.

    Paz, Paz, Paz

    Reply
  123. Renee
    Renee says:

    Dear one, I am so sorry for the way this happened. While I am 22 years in Marin, I don’t know you, but pray you will feel some sort of infusion of light soon. I hike often with my dog alone and can only imagine. I have a few widow friends and have often wondered how hard it would be. I always think this work would be helpful if I were in your situation: http://www.hayhouseradio.com/#!/host/dr-jamie-turndorf I wish for you quick healing with your own health and lots and lots and lots of love. Huge Hug from a stranger.

    Reply
  124. Shelly
    Shelly says:

    My heart breaks for you and your family. I don’t even know what to say but just know that although we don’t know each other I am sending you hugs and wishes that you will be constantly comforted by family and friends

    Reply
  125. Kathy Kali
    Kathy Kali says:

    I am so very sorry. what a loss. the work you have shared has
    touched and helped so many of us, i pray you are
    similarly upheld and supported to have all you need.

    Reply
  126. Stacey Corbett
    Stacey Corbett says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss!!!! Words cannot explain the pain you must be going through right now. Although, I do not know either of you my thoughts and prayers are w/ you at this time of need.

    Reply
  127. Rani Herman
    Rani Herman says:

    I have chills.. Its all so unfathomable… and Im feeling so much gratitude to read your words and hear your truth~ I feel touched that you have shared them! Yes one breath at a time! It seems your connection and love is so vast and beyond form~I hope somehow the love and connection grows stronger in this new reality…. and how sorry I am that his sweet, kind, caring form the way we have known it it gone. I had many magikal experiences w a dragonfly after a loved one passed..I wish you so much grace and love, miracles and hope!

    Reply
  128. Arly Kovelesky
    Arly Kovelesky says:

    my heart goes out to you. Things like this don’t seem real yet there is a loving funeral/cremation that will bring you physically close to your love and heartache. It’s almost like a dark magic trick, your love is there and then POOF and they’re gone. You want the trick to be over but the magician is gone. You want to sit with your deep thoughts and concentrate with your whole body to make your husband just reappear near you, even for a moment. You talk to him still and when he doesn’t answer your questions or pleas to let you deeply feel or see him you feel loss again. You should talk to him, he’s probably near you with his loving spirit and is sad over what happened and that when he’s so close to you his presence isn’t always felt. Both your lives are new to you now and there’s nothing you were taught in growing up that can make your mind, heart and spirit fully grasp a reality you don’t want to fully accept. Two people I loved dearly were brutally horridly and unbelievably murdered in their kitchen. It was my ex partner of 12 years and her beautiful 21 year old nephew who had lived with us and went with his Aunt Lynn after we broke up. We loved each other dearly but Lynn’s heart needed someone else. I was writing Lynn a letter and I heard the name of the street they moved to and glanced up and saw two bodies fully covered in black being wheeled to the vehicle the two people would be put into. I remember thinking I’d have to ask Lynn what happened on her street. Finished my letter and went to bed. 3 a.m. I got a phone call from a mutual friend whose name and number were kept in Lynn’s address book. She told me the police had called her and Lynn and Rinnie were murdered. The police needed me to drive to the police station in Lynn’s town because I knew her ex husbands name and telephone number and he had just picked up their 11 yr old son from Lynn’s time with him and had taken him home to be with him for their time together. Thank God her son Matthew Collin wasn’t in the house when Lynn and Rinnue were attacked there. I was the major suspect because we had broken up and they figured I couldn’t handle it and snapped and murdered them. They did finally learn who the killers were – the ex of the new person got in a relationship and a male friend of this ex. They were shot several times and stabbed an unbelievable number of times. The family asked me to do the double eulogy for Lynn and Ronnie. They caught the suck killers – when they cut the phone wires in the house it automatically turned on the message part of the answering machine and recorded the entire murders. It took about 11 minutes of Lynn fighting this suck woman and being stabbed the entire time. She kept saying I have a son please don’t do this. The two people were arrested the night of the wake at the funeral parlor because the police heard the name Janet being said by Lynn and they figured out who it was. A year later they had the trial. The news had gotten a copy of the death tape and would play it on all stations with the volume very high. I’d rush and turn off the tv – I never heard the tape, left the courtroom with her brother when they played it in the courtroom. I know all the things used to stab and hit them with because we had these things when we were together. I’ve never used a knife to carve any pumpkins since then, that’s what we used the knife for, happy and carving pumpkins. I wanted the death penalty but they got life. Smaller courtroom, Lynn and Rinnues family and friends in there with the woman murderer’s family sitting extremely close to us. The woman sat two rows of seats away from me and I wanted to hurt her. She’d come in the court room and smile and wink at her kids. So I want you to prepare yourself for hard times to come for you. It will take a while b4 trial so you will have started less crying and doing a little better than when it happened. The ache and heartache you feel now will come back to you when the trial starts. If friends or family want to be with you at the trial oh please do say yes. Don’t look at large color pictures being shown. Don’t. You will ache. You will see who you can hate and it’s okay to hate them, you have reason to. My therapist told me I needed to forgive the woman who killed Lynn. I told her SHE was crazy and I’m just not built that way to forgive monsters. When the trial is ending make sure you tell your prosecuter you want to talk to the jury. What you say will affect their sentencing. For some reason the minster’s family could talk but Lynn’s family and myself couldn’t. Fight for that. I wanted death penalty and she got life. After the trial you’ll feel beat up, drained, angry, sad, talking aloud to your husband will help. Surely his spirit will be with you and he will hear you. You may even get some signs that seem like he’s right with you. You’ll heal with time. You’ll never forget, but you won’t be consumed with it taking you over completely like you probably feel now. Things of his you keep will be comfort just catching a glance at something and remembering happiness. Your husband died and I feel for you, you’ll grow strong, you’ll find a way to not let your grief just overtake you whenever it wants. Your love and memories will not let your husband leave you nor will he want to leave. Again, I’m so so sorry your husband was killed but I’m reminding you that you were not. Remember that. If there is anything I can help you with please get in touch with me, any time, always. I don’t want you to sink deep during any trial or just when reality is not welcome in your life there are ways to make you care for yourself and stop dwelling on or be knocked to your spiritual knees by it. You’ll never be the same but you will be okay. You will. Everyone’s time needed to heal and grow stronger is different and unique unto them. It’s okay however long you need to mourn or be ever so sad. It’s also going to be okay to have sheer pain and grief and yet laugh at something that makes you remember fondly something dearly sweetly funny. I will think of you and see white light surrounding you. I wanted you to have an idea of what will come down the road because you can refuse to let it bring you to your knees. I’m not a terribly religious Catholic but the only thing I want to bring you to your knees will be church or prayer. Emotionally I will understand every feeling you will have. Again, I’ll be here if I can help you in any way. Arly

    Reply
  129. Evalena Rose
    Evalena Rose says:

    Dear Lokita
    I am so very sorry for your unimaginable loss. Steve has been such a bright light and you both have brought such love and healing to the world. Thank you for sharing the rawness of your emotions and struggle. It must be the most excruciating sorrow at a time when you’re already so challenged. Itt’s heartening to see the outpouring of love from our communities and I continue to pray that the angels wrap you in a healing chrysalis of Light with all this love and your families as well. I have been connecting with Steve as well across the veil and felt his outrage, deep sorrow at leaving you, and now more peace in the Light and feeling the outpouring of love. I shall continue to support his progress. Deep heart blessings. Love, Evalena

    Reply
  130. Laurie Loving
    Laurie Loving says:

    Sweet Lokita,

    I think of you several times a day. I had a loss in May and for the first time in my 60 years of life I am allowing myself to experience grief. Those first days, weeks are excruciating, aren’t they. We all say the same things to each other: my heart aches for you; I’m so sorry for your loss; he was such an amazing, beautiful man. All deeply true. I offer you my home, my watsu pool and my love if you ever want a Davis get-a-way. xoxoxo, Laurie

    Reply
  131. Tim Mehoves
    Tim Mehoves says:

    Lokita,

    Attending yours and Steve’s workshops at Harbin allowed me to open my heart wider, to meet some wonderful people, and ultimately pointed me in the direction of my current loving relationship with my girlfriend. When I think of all that has happened this past month, I feel overwhelmed and my heart goes out to you. I wish the best for you and your healing process.

    Reply
  132. Deva
    Deva says:

    His passing is your living.
    Chills up the spine
    Contemplation on the breath
    Looking for the breath between the breath
    Namaste dear one

    Reply
  133. Molly Webb
    Molly Webb says:

    Lokita, I will make sure funds are there for Coco’s healing also at the Marin Humane Society. You are in good hands there!

    Reply
  134. Carlos Hernandez
    Carlos Hernandez says:

    may the spirit give you strength to withstand such serious blow ,my heart goes out to you and will have you on my prayers so that you can have a swift recovery .we can’t understand the way of spirit .but rest asure everything happens for a reason . much love
    Carlos Hernandez

    Reply
  135. Deanna
    Deanna says:

    Dear Lokita, I hope you can feel the heartfelt condolences being sent your way from all over the Bay Area. I have talked to so many people who have expressed their sincere well wishes to you — strangers to you and your husband, all, but I did want to let you know that there are many, many of us out here wishing you healing, sending you love and light.

    Reply
  136. Mary Kretzmann
    Mary Kretzmann says:

    Dear Lokita

    I do not know you, but some of my friends do. I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 years ago to cancer…
    I see such partnership in the photo of you and your husband…I am sure he is loving you still – trying to help you through this…Some things can only be explained that it was just his time….
    May your heart be comforted at this excruciating time…
    Love to you…
    Mary

    Reply
  137. Vijaya
    Vijaya says:

    Lokita
    Although, I too did not know you or Steve personally, the moment I heard your tragic story, I was devastated. Feeling into a sister-on-the-path’s heart was all it took to know only a shadow of you might be feeling. And that was more than I could bear. I walked the Camino Alto trail near my house in Corte Madera in honor of you both. I wept so hard that a few others on the trail stopped to see if I was okay. Every loss I have ever had, big or small must have purged with that cry.
    We are all so connected, and vulnerable, and in need of one another to make it in this all to crazy world.
    I can only offer my services as an Ayurvedic Naturopath and my love, if you would even desire. It would be my sincere honor to participate in your heart and breast’s re-pair (no pun intended). We need more than ever to be the feminine weaving of the heart, if we are to be able to remain here on Earth.
    Jai MA…

    Reply
  138. Katalina Fisher
    Katalina Fisher says:

    I am in such disbelief. It feels so surreal. Reading your words gave me strength. You are amazing Lokita….in so many, many ways. I needed to reach out to you, and you reached out to us. A community is grieving. I am grieving. My heart is with you. My love is with you. I pray that Steve is in peace. I pray that you will eventually find peace as well. It will take some time. It will take a lot of healing. I wish there was something I could do or say that would bring you comfort. I will continue to send up prayers for your well-being and for the treatment you will be having on Thursday. And I will send up my continuing prayers for Steve and for your loss. May the angels comfort you and be ever close to you at this time and always. -Katalina

    Reply
  139. lauren allegra
    lauren allegra says:

    My dear Lokita- My prayers and love are with you. We have such a short time on this earth and I am so sorry for your loss. We never really know why these strange and difficult things are allowed in our lives…..all I can say is, having lost my nephew at a very young age, is I truly believe that God has a plan, and that plan is good. Time on this earth is just a blink of the eye compared to the eternity we will all live in.
    I want to encourage you to read the holy Bible and go to a good bible based church. I know you both went to the Zen Center. I have been there many times, yet from my own experience , until I came to accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, great transformation and healing took place very late in my life…but it is never too late. God is with you and I pray you will come to have a very deep relationship with Him. Lauren Allegra Greenbrae, California

    Reply
  140. Lauren Stocksdale
    Lauren Stocksdale says:

    Dear Lokita, Im devastated to hear this news. Even though I never met you in person you inspired me to believe in divine love and sacred union between two human beings. You and Steve will never truly understand how much you have touched me and the world with your profound love and gifts.
    My heart aches to hear of such a great loss. I don’t know how you will get through this pain; I am sending love, because I pray that all the love we send your way, helps you through this pain. I love you and Steve immensely.

    Reply
  141. Cynthia
    Cynthia says:

    Sending healing blessings. As a cancer survivor, I know how hard just that alone is. I lost my partner during chemo but for me it was good riddance. My heart just breaks for you dear one, so many losses. Love love love healing healing healing.

    Reply
  142. Catherine Meyer
    Catherine Meyer says:

    Hi Lokita, You don’t know me. One of my FB friends posted your story. I’m sending prayers and love to your and your families during this painful time. Cathie

    Reply
  143. Charlotte
    Charlotte says:

    We don’t know each other, but we do….my heart goes out to you. I cry every time we read your story. May his memory always bring a smile to your heart

    Reply
  144. robert silber
    robert silber says:

    Dear Lokita, i was so sad to hear the news. My heart goes out to you and your families. I am with Margot now and we have spoken tenderly about your and Steve. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
  145. Todd S. Kaufmann
    Todd S. Kaufmann says:

    Lokita,

    Words cannot and will not express the deep sorrow I know you are feeling, nor the lost that is there in your heart for your beloved Steve. All I can do is bow to you and Steve in a Namaste pose and hopefully express my profound sympathy for your lost and to our community at large. There are no answers only endless questions to just what is. May the pain you feel from this experience be transformed to the abilty to heal and move forward with life in the face of this tragedy.

    Reply
  146. Sandra
    Sandra says:

    Dearest Lokita,
    Your words touched me deeply as I was taken back to that morning 55 years ago when the Sheriff came to my house to tell me that my young mother had been found dead. For the first time since we heard the news about Steve, even after having attended the first vigil that Luna called, and the second Metta vigil called by Shakti, after reading of your experience, I am now grieving your loss and the loss to our beloved community.
    I live in San Geronimo and someone said that you are staying near here… I know I am a stranger to you, but I somehow feel akin to you in your pain and in the pain that is shared by this world. At Dance Medicine last week our altar was designed for the SkyDancing Tantra lineage in honor of your and Steve’s work and we have had Steve’s photo with a candle every week.
    I know you know you are being held by thousands around the world and I am one of them. I wrote a blog about Luna’s magical trailside vigil that you can find at http://www.medicine.dance.
    Prayers and Love,
    Sandra

    Reply
  147. Gregory Wonderwheel
    Gregory Wonderwheel says:

    When my mother died, I had the same experience of gazing at her face with the feeling that any moment she would open her eyes. Be well.

    Reply
  148. David
    David says:

    Hi Lokita. You don’t know us either but I came across your blog via th terrible news reports and I am beside myself for what you have gone through. My wife and I are dobie owners in SF and would love to help you with sweet Coco in any way we could. Please don’t hesitate to email if there is anything we can do to support you.

    Reply
  149. Connie Kay (Mackenzie)
    Connie Kay (Mackenzie) says:

    Dearest Lokita ~ I felt I really couldn’t add any more to what has all ready been said ~ but as I read your post about the Harbin fire I was struck by the incredible synchronicity and mystery of your ending words. As I have witnessed you say, teach, live and breath ~ Love ~ Lokita, is all there is. I was blessed to witness the love you shared and to feel and be part of that love extended. I wrap you up with the gentle sweetness of that love forever surrounding you….. as you and Steve have taught all of us to do. Much ~ Much gratitude. Always.

    Reply
  150. Sanghamitra
    Sanghamitra says:

    Dearest Lokita,

    Sending you continual love, It is hard to even write Steve’s name. He was such a light, positive soul. I remember watsu times, massage times and more at Harbin with you two.

    I love that you are so real, guru bahen, Keep your authentic words coming as you can.
    Warm, melting hugs,
    Sanghamitra

    Reply
  151. Gitam
    Gitam says:

    Lokita meine Süsse
    Ich kann es nicht fassen,…..was für ein Schock …..Alptraum.
    Ich bin in Gedanken bei Dir und drücke dich sooooooooooo fest.
    Wenn ich für Dich IRGEND etwas tun kann, lass es mich doch bitte bitte wissen. ( zb. Rollmöpse oder andere feine Europäische Leckereien schicken oder dich zu mir für einen Besuch Einzuladen usw. )
    Ich werde in nächster Zeit versuchen dich zu kontaktieren…. wenn du das auch möchtest.
    Ich schicke Dir ganz ganz ganz viel Kraft und Liebe…

    Gitam

    Reply
    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      Hallo liebe Gitam, ich hab Dir ein laengeres email geschickt, schon am 19. Oktober, an die dhauser Adresse. Guck doch mal, ob es in der spam box gelandet ist. Ich wuerde gern wieder mit Dir in Kontakt sein! Alles Liebe, Lokita

      Reply
  152. Linda Eisenman
    Linda Eisenman says:

    Dear Lokita,

    It seems that the greatest light draws the greatest darkness. My heart goes out to you. You will continue to bless many more people than you know, and Steve has not truly left you. Thank you for sharing your strength. The world stands with you.

    Blessings on your ongoing journey, and thank you for reaching out.

    Reply
  153. Marina Zelle
    Marina Zelle says:

    Lokita, my heart is crying. I am very sorry. If there is anything I can do to offer you support as you go through this difficult time, please let me know.

    Reply
    • Lokita Carter
      Lokita Carter says:

      Hi Deidre, I read some of your blog. How fortunate to have Kev by your side! I cannot even fathom the fact that my beloved is gone forever, and at this already intense and challenging time. And I am so happy for you that you got through all the treatments and came out clear of cancer. Sending lots of love to you. And thanks for the titanium strength…. I’m working on it!

      Reply
  154. Francesca
    Francesca says:

    Dear Lokita,

    I only now read about Steve’s death. What gut-wrenching news. My heart is with you. Ich umarme Dich. Francesca

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *